Living In The Moment
I live in the moment and I'm pretty good at it. Often I have no clue what has proceeded the moment I'm living in, which can make things quite funny, interesting or sometimes stressful. For example tonight while I was fixing dinner I saw that my left index finger was bleeding all over the counter. I have no idea how I cut it or when. I am easily distracted and sometimes cut myself because I'm not focused and watching what I'm doing.
"I'm concerned about you, Honey," said Richard as he got a Bandaid out for me. The cut wasn't a bad one and stopped bleeding as soon as we got some good pressure on it, but I had cut another finger just a few days ago and he is assuming I do it all the time and that really isn't true. In conversations, I try to keep up with the subject but often have no clue what we talking about even though I am pretty good that faking it or asking for some clarification without seeming to be totally lost. I try not to ask for repetition or explanation too often because it's annoying to people and I don't like seeming dull.
One coping mechanism is to drive the conversation and the subject myself. I know that is not the best way to deal with people but I want to have a social life and I don't want people thinking I am stupid. Now and then, though, I lose track of the subject even when I am the one who opened it. Sadly, if they really knew how clueless I often am people would think exactly what I seek to avoid... that I am dumb as a rock!! Because I lose track of what happened a few moments before, I would seem dense even though I really do have a pretty sharp mind.
So what has brought all of this to the forefront? I have been praying and thinking about a request that I at assume a particular role at church. I knew immediately when Deacon Jim mentioned it that I was not to qualified. But then I am not qualified to to the things I am now doing at church. I spend many hours in preparation for each class side teach yet to many times show up with no idea what we are studying. Without the boat ride in front of me by would be lost. One of the things that makes it sort of work is the fact I have been seriously studying the Bible for over 50 years. Scripture is one of my passions. Yet I have no qualms that each meeting I am sustained by the Lord for I would be an absolute disaster without his help. He helps me out; he jars my memory; he gives me what needs to be said; and sometimes he needs to shut me up. It is by His might not my own that I do anything.
Deacon Jim has proposed a much more challenging situation and although flattered, after prayer, careful thought and consulting with counselors including Richard, I am going to have to say no. My plate is so full now that I never get finished and although I love to be busy and I love to have a challenge this is not something I could keep track of and do well. God's people need the best; in my case they wouldn't have it.
But I was extremely flattered to have been considered for such a position and someday if God is willing and my brain has come back far enough maybe I will be able to take on something like that again, but for now I am thankful for the services I have been blessed to give.Richard is the chairman of the Property, Grounds Committee. Last week he asked if I would e-mail the group to announce some things, including a Saturday morning meeting. He thought it was taken care of but it did not get sent. I lost all memory of his request. So today I showed him how to run the e-mail, we created a mailing list for the group and I showed him how to use it.
Now our mystery visitor has been back. This time he or she is focusing on my car. Richard clearly remembers that the doors to my car were closed at few hours before, but when I went out the drivers front door was wide open... very interesting! Nothing has been stolen although some papers have been gone through, I have some files in Bankers boxes in the garage. Someone has looked through them but not vandalized anything (except knocking down the door). So clearly a robbery is not a motive here, nor do I think any physical fowl play is planned. As I said before I truly suspect it is an investigator hired by the insurance company to get any dirt he can find, or simply say, "You look okay to us."
I am feeling more comfortable now with the thought of being listened to or followed but no less disturbed about being spied on the in my home. Am I over reacting? Perhaps there's no real person there and we are seeing things I have done and forgotten. Who knows and to an extent who cares? If indeed someone is listening as I speak they're hearing what I write (I use iListen) but people can read that freely on the Internet. They're also hearing me pray because most of my prayer is aloud; they are also hearing the talks about God to people on the phone because I talk about God whenever I talk almost... so maybe these are just people that God knows to need to hear about Him. People God knows need to hear the Gospel... and if that is true I say Hallelujah, lets keep on with it.
"I'm concerned about you, Honey," said Richard as he got a Bandaid out for me. The cut wasn't a bad one and stopped bleeding as soon as we got some good pressure on it, but I had cut another finger just a few days ago and he is assuming I do it all the time and that really isn't true. In conversations, I try to keep up with the subject but often have no clue what we talking about even though I am pretty good that faking it or asking for some clarification without seeming to be totally lost. I try not to ask for repetition or explanation too often because it's annoying to people and I don't like seeming dull.
One coping mechanism is to drive the conversation and the subject myself. I know that is not the best way to deal with people but I want to have a social life and I don't want people thinking I am stupid. Now and then, though, I lose track of the subject even when I am the one who opened it. Sadly, if they really knew how clueless I often am people would think exactly what I seek to avoid... that I am dumb as a rock!! Because I lose track of what happened a few moments before, I would seem dense even though I really do have a pretty sharp mind.
So what has brought all of this to the forefront? I have been praying and thinking about a request that I at assume a particular role at church. I knew immediately when Deacon Jim mentioned it that I was not to qualified. But then I am not qualified to to the things I am now doing at church. I spend many hours in preparation for each class side teach yet to many times show up with no idea what we are studying. Without the boat ride in front of me by would be lost. One of the things that makes it sort of work is the fact I have been seriously studying the Bible for over 50 years. Scripture is one of my passions. Yet I have no qualms that each meeting I am sustained by the Lord for I would be an absolute disaster without his help. He helps me out; he jars my memory; he gives me what needs to be said; and sometimes he needs to shut me up. It is by His might not my own that I do anything.
Deacon Jim has proposed a much more challenging situation and although flattered, after prayer, careful thought and consulting with counselors including Richard, I am going to have to say no. My plate is so full now that I never get finished and although I love to be busy and I love to have a challenge this is not something I could keep track of and do well. God's people need the best; in my case they wouldn't have it.
But I was extremely flattered to have been considered for such a position and someday if God is willing and my brain has come back far enough maybe I will be able to take on something like that again, but for now I am thankful for the services I have been blessed to give.Richard is the chairman of the Property, Grounds Committee. Last week he asked if I would e-mail the group to announce some things, including a Saturday morning meeting. He thought it was taken care of but it did not get sent. I lost all memory of his request. So today I showed him how to run the e-mail, we created a mailing list for the group and I showed him how to use it.
Now our mystery visitor has been back. This time he or she is focusing on my car. Richard clearly remembers that the doors to my car were closed at few hours before, but when I went out the drivers front door was wide open... very interesting! Nothing has been stolen although some papers have been gone through, I have some files in Bankers boxes in the garage. Someone has looked through them but not vandalized anything (except knocking down the door). So clearly a robbery is not a motive here, nor do I think any physical fowl play is planned. As I said before I truly suspect it is an investigator hired by the insurance company to get any dirt he can find, or simply say, "You look okay to us."
I am feeling more comfortable now with the thought of being listened to or followed but no less disturbed about being spied on the in my home. Am I over reacting? Perhaps there's no real person there and we are seeing things I have done and forgotten. Who knows and to an extent who cares? If indeed someone is listening as I speak they're hearing what I write (I use iListen) but people can read that freely on the Internet. They're also hearing me pray because most of my prayer is aloud; they are also hearing the talks about God to people on the phone because I talk about God whenever I talk almost... so maybe these are just people that God knows to need to hear about Him. People God knows need to hear the Gospel... and if that is true I say Hallelujah, lets keep on with it.
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