What If?
In her journal of 11/3/06, my friend Eva talked about fears we all have, some foolish and some deep-rooted and real. She says she has a silly fear that if she gets lost while driving, she'll never find her house again. It sent me into peals of laughter, not because it's kinda kinky (it's not uncommon, really) but because I am so constantly lost I would soon go insane if that were one of my irrational fears.
With me, it's the edge of a steep dropoff, like a gorge or even on a bridge. Even if there is a safety rail, I am afraid to look down. I do anyway because I want to see the splendor below, but my heart pounds and my palms get all sweaty. Then it takes several minutes for the adrenalin quivers to wear off. I know no one is going to push me off and I am never tempted to jump, but the fear is there and it's there every time.
We don't really take these kinds of fears seriously, though, but as my friend said, there are fears for the safety of our children and other loved ones... and fears for our own lives. These concerns are real and can be elevated from below the conscious level to the very forefront of our awareness so that every breath is ragged, or we simply hold that breath trying to stop the danger.
What if my child is abducted, molested, hit by a car, has cancer... dies? What if my spouse or parent or best friend is in an accident, has a heart attack... dies? Or apply all the above to self. what if I suffer? What if I die? Who will take care of my children, my spouse, my job, my projcts?
How will the world get along when I'm gone? No, of course that isn't the major issue, but we do care about those left behind. Way down inside we feel the loss they would feel. Also, we don't want to miss seeing our kids grow up and playing with future generations of kids. Like my friend, I am ready to see Jesus, but still want to stay here as long as can be.
Some things are simply beyond our control. My mother was a worrier. She loved God, but I don't think she trusted Him to take care of all the details the way she would. I've tried not to, but in many ways I have turned into my mother. I worry too much. Especially since my brain doesn't work quite right.
I have lived long enough that many of the "What If's" have already come into my life. I have lived through the tragedies of losing a child, having children molested, losing parents and other loved ones, helplessly watching my children suffer from disease, be hit by a car, endure pain I wish I could have born for them. I have also endured personal illness and injury and heartache... and through it all, I was never alone. I sometimes felt alone, but Jesus was there and He still has not left.
God never promised no pain. He did promise to see us through if we'll trust Him. I don't know why He allows some things to happen, but I trust His nature of love and the wisdom of His perfect plan and I know He keeps His promises.
My prayers for self and loved ones are for safety, healing, long life, etc.... but more that my will be subordinate to God's. I trust HIM that He will never let us suffer needlessly, and when we have prayed in faith for healing, we shall be healed at just the right time and in the right way in accordaqnce with His perfect understanding, grace and mercy. So I also pray that whatever good thing a problem or pain is doing in your life or mine will be accomplished in spite of our aversion to it. Most of all, I pray we will notice that Jesus is right there beside us, holding out His nail scarred hand, waiting for us to trust Him enough to take hold of that loving hand so He can lead us through to safety and peace.
With me, it's the edge of a steep dropoff, like a gorge or even on a bridge. Even if there is a safety rail, I am afraid to look down. I do anyway because I want to see the splendor below, but my heart pounds and my palms get all sweaty. Then it takes several minutes for the adrenalin quivers to wear off. I know no one is going to push me off and I am never tempted to jump, but the fear is there and it's there every time.
We don't really take these kinds of fears seriously, though, but as my friend said, there are fears for the safety of our children and other loved ones... and fears for our own lives. These concerns are real and can be elevated from below the conscious level to the very forefront of our awareness so that every breath is ragged, or we simply hold that breath trying to stop the danger.
What if my child is abducted, molested, hit by a car, has cancer... dies? What if my spouse or parent or best friend is in an accident, has a heart attack... dies? Or apply all the above to self. what if I suffer? What if I die? Who will take care of my children, my spouse, my job, my projcts?
How will the world get along when I'm gone? No, of course that isn't the major issue, but we do care about those left behind. Way down inside we feel the loss they would feel. Also, we don't want to miss seeing our kids grow up and playing with future generations of kids. Like my friend, I am ready to see Jesus, but still want to stay here as long as can be.
Some things are simply beyond our control. My mother was a worrier. She loved God, but I don't think she trusted Him to take care of all the details the way she would. I've tried not to, but in many ways I have turned into my mother. I worry too much. Especially since my brain doesn't work quite right.
I have lived long enough that many of the "What If's" have already come into my life. I have lived through the tragedies of losing a child, having children molested, losing parents and other loved ones, helplessly watching my children suffer from disease, be hit by a car, endure pain I wish I could have born for them. I have also endured personal illness and injury and heartache... and through it all, I was never alone. I sometimes felt alone, but Jesus was there and He still has not left.
God never promised no pain. He did promise to see us through if we'll trust Him. I don't know why He allows some things to happen, but I trust His nature of love and the wisdom of His perfect plan and I know He keeps His promises.
My prayers for self and loved ones are for safety, healing, long life, etc.... but more that my will be subordinate to God's. I trust HIM that He will never let us suffer needlessly, and when we have prayed in faith for healing, we shall be healed at just the right time and in the right way in accordaqnce with His perfect understanding, grace and mercy. So I also pray that whatever good thing a problem or pain is doing in your life or mine will be accomplished in spite of our aversion to it. Most of all, I pray we will notice that Jesus is right there beside us, holding out His nail scarred hand, waiting for us to trust Him enough to take hold of that loving hand so He can lead us through to safety and peace.
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