No Foolin'

I'm actually finished 45 minutes early! It's the first time all year that I've been done on time, and it is already uploaded... April, 2006 Handmaidens!

Handmaidens is an on-line magazine I put out once a month. There is all sorts of cool stuff in there this month... like excerpts from all 50 states' constitutions honoring God, some great writing tips, poetry and all sorts of inspiration.

So, this is a great way to finish off a very fine day... well other than I had to tell my trusty doctor about my most recent grocery store escapade. I had made a "quick run" to the grocery store to get something I needed to make dinner, but since I was going, I took my ongoing shopping list. I was gone three hours!

I was tired when I went and should not have tried to shop my whole list. Normally, I mark off each item as I get it, but somehow that didn't happen, so as would be expected of someone with short term memory problems, I got duplicates and some triplicates. Also, I kept finding items I (erroneously) thought we needed. Needless to say, I spent a fortune.

It's a good thing Richard called to see what had become of me or I'd probably still be in the store. By the time I got home, I was too tired to eat, let alone cook.

What is upsetting about all this is the fact that although I used to have similar problems shopping, my therapists and I had worked out some good strategies to prevent this sort of thing. I guess the strategies worked so well I felt I didn't need them any more. Next time I shop, I'll plan, take my little timer clip, and follow my list ONLY!

So finishing Handmaidens on time has given me a boost... God is so good.

The Computer Age

I just spent half an hour writing a blog that I lost due to computer craziness. Who knows why, but my laptop decided to restart itself. Now I find I can't play along with "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" on GSN.com.

Life is like that. Sometimes our efforts reap no rewards and seem totally wasted. Other times we expect something good, anticipating the enjoyment of it only to have it all come to naught... taken from us for no apparent reason. Bummer!

I did get a chance to chat online with Pastor Rob and two other friends. I don't understand chat much. I'm not sure if I can type when it says they are typing? I'll have to ask about that. I tried initiating a chat but must not have done it right.

I am amazed at how much of my time and my "to do" list is dominated by the computer. It was once thought the computer would free up so much time we would become a paperless society with more spare time than we would know what to do with, but I think the opposite has happened!

Yet, I love my computer, even when it frustrates me, and the computer has given many of us a wonderful outreach ministry for Christ as well as a great way to make new friends. Without debating the pros and cons, I will simply say, "thank You, Lord, for placing me on this earth during the computer age."

In Praise of Procrastination

Sometimes I put off doing things. There are a few things that have been forwarded from one day to the next in my planner... for weeks! Today I finished one of them, and it sure felt good.

I will be one of the presenters at a Women's Retreat this fall. I was to have sent in my topic, title and outline some time ago. I felt I knew what the Lord would have me speak about and had a fairly good idea of how to develop the thought... but I could never seem to get it down on paper. That sort of distillation of a plan or information into outline form used to be my "long suit," but my last head injury has definitely left me in "short pants" in that regard.

Every time I sat down to get the outline done, I found something else "more urgent" to do, became too fatigued to work or simply sat staring blankly at the computer monitor. While I felt quite confident I could do the presentation, I was overwhelmed by the task of organizing and outlining it.

As a former member of the Platform Assn. (a public speakers guild), I knew I needed to have an outline to do my best job... and God deserves my very best work! So, I prayed for the outline to flow. I knew what I wanted to say and even knew how to say it... so what could be the problem?!

We had a potluck and a seminar after church today and by the time we got home, I was done in. I napped for an hour or so and continued to lay snuggled in the warm folds of my soft blanket for a while after I awoke. As I lay there, the points for the outline for my presentation marched through my brain in perfect formation! I popped out of bed and had it typed out in no time! Indeed, this is a perfect example of what I am going to talk about... how God uses the weak and no-account things (and people) of this world... HE provides for them and enables them, lest any man should boast.

(I Cor 1:27-29)
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."

My outline came directly from the Lord. How do I know? Because I had been unable to create it... totally! I am supposed to be writing a book about brain injury from the patient's point of view... I have written several "pieces" of it but cannot seem to come up with an outline or plan for the book. Indeed, the outline I wrote today is the first task of that sort I have been able to do since my injury. It is a major deal! It is a GOD deal!!

Procrastination is normally not a good thing, but as you can see in this case, I needed to wait on the Lord. I was not able to get the job done... and believe me, I had tried! Of course, I must confess, I have put off a few things just because I didn't like doing them... God is working with me in that.

Yuck Free!

Today, for the first time in several weeks, I really cleaned the bathrooms. Not the lick and a promise I'd been giving them since I first got sick many weeks ago, but a thorough scrubbing. You know, when you get down on your knees and reach every spot all around and behind the toilet and surrounding floor.

I also cleaned the refrigerator. Same deal, took it all apart, everything out... got up close and personal to all the hidden areas. I scrubbed and disinfected everything. I threw out a lot of expired food. Salad dressing from last year... Yuck!

Same thing in the bathroom. Yuck! Both these areas "looked" good on the surface, clean to the casual observer... and believe me, I am married to the most casual observer on the planet. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, he would clean if he noticed something needed cleaning. He just never seems to notice. I didn't really notice either... and was really too sick to care. But there was a lot of mostly hidden Yuck!

It's funny how much joy I felt cleaning toilets! It was wonderful having enough energy to do the job right. I can't say how satisfied I am in knowing everything in my frig is truly edible and all surfaces disinfected. Yes, it's good to be feeling better! It's great to be Yuck free!

If we look for it, if we seek, we shall find a lesson in every experience... even cleaning toilets and neglected refrigerators. Like so many things in life, even our spiritual health, they seemed fine on the surface, but on closer observation, there was YUCK!

To stay spiritually healthy and fit, we need to be cleaning the hidden nooks and crannies of our lives often. A balanced diet of Prayer, God's Word, Fellowship and Corporate Worship is also necessary. I have yet to see a growing believer who rejects any of these areas the Bible teaches us to apply to our lives.

Well Spent

I got back from my two day trip to Stanford's Cancer Center in Palo Alto in time to go to Bible study last night. Every other week, I make the trip with my niece Donna who undergoes treatments for Host vs. Graft disease. I am blessed every time I go and I look forward to these special times together. I honestly believe this is one of the reasons God brought Richard and I to California.

Last night's Bible study was especially good. It was the final lesson to be presented by our leader Mike, and he deftly guided us into several lively discussions. Everyone left the better for having been there. I firmly believe small groups held throughout the week are a vital part of a "healthy church."

This morning, another small group we call the Women of Grace met at the church. We were just finishing when we heard yelling outside the window. The police were there, guns drawn (I'm not making this up) and coming over the fence. They soon had their quarry in cuffs. He had broken a window but I doubt he could have easily entered through it because it is fairly high off the ground level.

I was impressed with the ladies in my class. No one panicked. They checked and locked the doors. They thought to call the church secretary to be sure her office was locked. Perhaps the most notable feature of the whole episode was the concern these women had for the young intruder. It was a sensible caring, not the foolish, melting heart type that would invite misuse. After the police questioned and endured the bantering responses of our group, we resumed taking prayer requests and had a good prayer time.

By the time I got home, I was cognitively and physically spent. Part of my fatigue relates to my not being completely recovered from the sinus and lung infection I've been fighting, but much of it is simply normal for me. Like many brain injured people, I lack stamina. Whether the activity is mental or physical, I am rarely good for more than one or two hours. My mental processing abilities decline quickly after I reach my "limit," and straining to concentrate brings on physical exhaustion as well.

But I was "well spent" you might say, for I had some prayer time, some Bible time, we ate supper and now I am spending time with you... tomorrow I will catch up on my e-mail and other things that sort of "piled up."

Strange Serenity

When I began writing blogs I made a promise to myself, my readers and God that I would be open and candid, that I would be completely real. If you've read my blogs for very long, you know that I have divulged a great deal about myself. I have recounted foolish mistakes as well as personal weaknesses.

But today it is harder for me to "tell it like it is." Perhaps because today, I am not quite sure "how it is." I have that distant, sort of numb feeling you get at the beginning of grief... before any other emotion develops.

It began when I learned that some very dear folks will not be in church with us any more... two couples I love deeply and will miss sorely. I got the news about one couple a few days ago and learned of the other yesterday.

Also, I promised to call a precious friend but have been unable to reach her all day. I pray she is all right.

Then today, I got a phone call from my son Scott. He called to thank us for a Bible and some money we had sent and to tell us he has received a ten year sentence. It was less than I expected but it broke my heart. Later, I got a call from Leo, the investigator working for Scott's attorney. He has befriended Scott and spoke very highly of him. He was a well spoken man and seemed to be a caring person. He told me that there were some things he could not discuss because the other party in the case has not yet gone to trial. I understand.

I have more questions than I will probably ever get answers to but I'm not sure I need the answers anyway. I love Scott unconditionally, irrespective of anything he may or may not be guilty of. I will continue to love him, and I will always seek what is best for him. That does not mean, however, that I support or defend any wrongdoing he may be involved in.

So, this evening, I am quietly a bit melancholy. At the same time, I am very much at peace. There is a serenity in the numbness of my early grief.

I just realized that God arranged the timing of the investigator's call! He called when a sweet friend was here. He was supposed to call later in the afternoon but had another appointment so rang me up early. Come to think of it, the day I got the call about Scott's arrest, another friend was here. It's as if my tender Father in heaven said to me, "I know this is hard for you and I'll be there spiritually and in the person of someone you can look at with your natural eyes, too." Both these friends are Christians... the Holy Spirit lives within them.

The peace and serenity I feel is beyond the comprehension of most folks. It is that peace that surpasses understanding promised in scripture and comes from God alone.

I LOVE my Church

Today our church had a health checkup. All who were willing filled out an extensive questionnaire - over 100 questions - about all aspects of the church, some theological questions, and a number of cross reference questions (used to measure how candid the respondent is being). The "test"was administered by an independent person from out of town who also interviewed a cross section of the membership.

I was one of those interviewed and found the questions consistent with the goal of measuring how healthy our church is. I also found some of the questions very thought provoking...

For example, one question was "Who is the most influential person in the church?"

A no brainer. Jesus Christ, of course!

But that wasn't where the examiner was aiming... He liked my response (I could tell from his broad grin) but he prompted me to think in more mortal terms. I pondered for a moment and admitted I could not name one person, adding I didn't feel I ought to be able to name one, either.

Of course, the pastor of any church should, by both definition and calling, be a very influential personality in the local body, but it has been my experience that when a select few wield most of the influence (often tacit but palpable) church health suffers.

Another question was an open ended one, "How do you feel about your church?"

"I LOVE my church!"

In my typical fashion I spouted out the first thought to hit my brain. Sometimes words come out of my mouth that I am certain have not been anywhere near my brain... gut level reactions. And sometimes I regret what I've thoughlessly said, but this was not one of them. I DO love my church. I love the people, individually and collectively. I love the music, sermons, small groups, classes, the seniors and the youth... I love my church.

Sure, there is room for improvement. True, there are things we could do better and things we should do that we are not doing, etc... and I am certain this church health checkup will reveal some areas of weakness in addition to many areas of strength, but in spite of all, I LOVE my church.

Walking Slowly Towards Health

It's a brilliant, sunny day! I stepped out on the porch for a few minutes but was driven back inside by waves of coughing, you know, the kind where you can't stop and you can't even catch your breath. I thought I was going to black out and (heaven forbid) crack my head on the concrete. The last thing I need is another knock on the noggin!

Notwithstanding that, I do think I am a teeny bit better today than yesterday. God is slowly walking me out of the fog of sickness, and I am planning to be in church tomorrow. I'll take it as it comes... and all along the rocky path toward health, there have been sweet blessings. Friends from my town and friends from cyberspace have reflected the Light of God's love. They've been praying, too. I can feel it, and I am so thankful.

God is SOOO good!
In Christ, iona

Suffering in Silence?

Sorry about the long silence. I got more ill after my last post, but am loaded down with medications and finally on the mend. You really didn't miss much, I spent most of the time in bed.

We did go on one excursion. Last Friday afternoon (can it really be a week ago?!) after a visit to the doctor, the freeways were beginning to become snarled with rush hour traffic. Richard offered a backroads ride in the foothills and it seemed a good idea to me. I leaned back in the seat, enjoying the ride in spite of my coughing and wheezing. I thought I was hungry but really was too sick to eat much when we went to dinner.

Monday, my dedicated doctor seemed more concerned about my blood sugar and cholesterol levels than the fact I couldn't breath and the nurse thought I had pneumonia. As he pressed me for a promise to be retested as soon as I was well again, I began to wonder if I'd live long enough to finish listening to his lecture about diet and exercise.

Finally, I interrupted him to wheezily ask what all that had to do with the problem at hand. "Oh, no problem," says he, "I've got that under control."

Coughing uncontrollably, I was unable to respond. He smiled indulgently until I finished then told me I had infected sinuses which had, in turn, infected my lungs... but with the armload of medications he was prescribing, I should be all better in about ten days.

Great, but what do I do about breathing today? After a big dose of his codeine laden cough syrup, I slipped into a welcome sleep for the ride home. I've done a lot of sleeping throughout this sickness, but I am still super tired.

To make things worse, my memory and concentration problems have increased. When I tried to call Kaiser for an appointment, I couldn't follow the directions the automated answering system was giving... "If you want this, press number one, or two, or whatever..." It took me 15 minutes and some note taking to finally get through. I thought it was just me, but my neuropsychologist told me that brain injury patients almost always have more cognitive difficulties when they are sick or injured or facing some other new stressor. Lovely.

Other than medicos, and of course, Richard, I've seen almost no one for about two weeks. I love people and I usually don't prefer isolation, but even though I miss my friends, I really don't feel like seeing anyone. I'm too tired to visit... even with the Lord. My prayers are short. It's cool, though, because He knows my heart and I don't need words to communicate with Him right now.

Speaking of right now, I think I'm going back to bed. More tomorrow.

A Sickly Sunday

Sorry, but this will be short. I'm still sloppily sick. I think even the computer dreads that I will cough all over the keys.

This sort of illness, not really serious, just very uncomfortable, is probably good now and then because it helps me really appreciate when I'm feeling spry and chipper. But this is the third or fourth one this season, so I'm asking the Lord, "Am I a slow learner, or what?"

Seriously, I am praying to be better soon, but am also reminded of all who suffer the buffeting of diseases I cannot even imagine.

Thank You, Lord, that You are always with me and that I can trust You through anything!

Liz as Promised

Well, dear friends, it has been a sick Saturday, and now Richard (who gave me this bug in the first place) is getting sick again, too! We're a sad pair.

But I had promised to tell you more about my friend Liz. She's a member of the Women of Grace Thursday morning Bible study group, and was there at our last meeting. We were having a brunch at Kat's home. There was some wonderful food including individually wrapped pieces of homemade fudge. Yum!

I was enjoying the rich wonder of the chocolate when I noticed what could have been slivered almonds or coconut... COCONUT! Alarms went off in my head and I began spitting out the substance. I asked about the ingredients and sure enough, there was coconut in the fudge. I am severely allergic to persimmons, bell peppers and... Coconut!

After almost dying from anaphylactic shock, several years ago, I was instructed to always carry an epi-pen - self injectible epinepherin - in case I were to be stung by a bee or wasp, or inadvertently ingest one of my food allergens.

I had a new purse, the epi-pen was not in it.

I refused offers to drive me home for the epi-pen and headed out on my own. What was I thinking? If any of the coconut had gotten into my system, I would never make it home in time anyway.

In spite of my refusal, Liz came out to my car and said she was driving. I am a strong willed woman and often too pushy. She wasn't sure how I would react but took matters into her own hands because she knew it was the right thing to do. She got in my car and drove me home.

Either I had not actually swallowed any of the coconut or the Lord mercifully protected me from a potentially lethal reaction, but I had not one wheeze. I felt the tap of the Holy Spirit in my shoulder... reminding me that I need to be more diligent to carry my epi-pen ALWAYS!

Another lesson I was given was that I need to listen to others and accept help when I need it! I had acted like a spoiled and petulant child!

Once back at Kat's we had our lesson. It was about the law of love... How we are not merely to love our neighbor as ourselves, but to love others, even our enemies, as Christ loves us! A very tall order... and one we cannot hope to fulfill except through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. It is through Christ we love as He does.

Later that evening, Liz called to tell me how, when confronted by a potential conflict, she was able to apply what we talked about and reap a positive outcome. I was thrilled.

Liz is fairly new in the Lord and I have walked with Him for many years, but it is wonderful how we can learn from one another.

Deadlines & Disease

No blog for three days. Deadlines and disease have hampered my progress.

It is time for Handmaidens to be online... No, it is past time for Handmaidens to be online. I hope to have them ready the first of each month, but my planning and time management skills are not good. Also, I end up redoing things several times because I lose track of the thought or wander away from the task.

Satan whispers in my ear, "Why are you trying to do this, anyway? A brain injured person has no business trying to publish anything. You know you don't have what it takes. You can't stay doing one thing for more than a few minutes at a time..." On and on he goes, but there is, deep in my soul, another voice...

It is the voice of One who uses the weak and foolish things of this world to accomplish His will. It is the voice of One who gives me courage to try because I know it is He who does the work, not I. When I need it most, He sends a special emissary bearing His encouragement. Last night, He sent Liz. More on Liz tomorrow.

And so, with what I have left of my brain and in my small, imperfect way, I publish Handmaidens, I write this blog, I facilitate a Bible Study and fill in with a Sunday School class. None are done to perfection, all are done in total reliance on my Lord and any good thing coming from them is due Him.

As you recall from a recent blog, I had an especially nasty cold. I was pretty much over it and feeling good, then it revisited and is even worse than the first version. This is the fourth or fifth upper respiratory illness I've had this season, which means I'm almost always sick. Very tiring, discouraging and, quite frankly, irritating!

So, my work has been slow... pray for recovery and efficiency. I love you all!