Missing You

I haven't posted in several days and my entries may be sporadic for some time. We are moving from our rented Galt, CA home to an unknown (as yet) home of our own somewhere in the Orlando, FL area. In the midst of the move, we're stopping in Denver for a wedding and our family reunion. If there is time, energy and internet access, I will post. But if you hear nothing out of me, don't worry.

Yesterday was our last day in church. Pastor Rob made it very special for us, calling us up to give and receive prayer. I will cherish the memory of that service. We usually attend the first service but I overslept. Richard had tried to wake me up but I made no sense, so he let me sleep a bit longer. He's such a sweetheart! I shall miss my church family at FBC... but am sure I will be back this way from time to time since I will still see my doctors in Sacramento.

After our recent trip to Montrey with a small U-Haul trailer, we looked at the piles of packed boxes in the garage and the tons of stuff still in the house and realized we needed a pretty big truck instead of a medium sized trailer. We picked up the truck today and I have managed to get two boxes into it. I wasn't slacking, though, I spent most of the day packing and cleaning.

Beloved friends came over this evening and picked up the aquarium. One special couple had given us this large and expensive aqua world of serenity and now we were giving it to another dear couple. I must say, as delighted as I was tio receive it, I was even more blessed knowing how much Bev and Artie will enjoy it. I just love God's economy!

Well, I've enjoyed my break, but it's time to get back to work... or maybe go to bed so I can work tomorrow. Our Heavenly Father is leading me to the wiser choice.

One Last Ride

One last ride with Donna. For almost two years, I have been driving Donna to Stanford every other week for treatment. Our trips lasted two days each and were so very special to me. Taking Donna to Stanford was the first important thing I was trusted with after my injury and it marked a significant turning point for me. I was finally beginning to accept that while there was MUCH I COULD NOT DO, THERE WERE STILL IMPORTANT THINGS I COULD DO... AND I COULD TRUST GOD TO SHOW THEM TO ME. (Caps intended).

Today, for one last time, I will pick up Donna and we will ride west, but not to visit clinics or have treatments. Today, we are tourist of a sort. As Richard and our granddaughter Chani take a load of furniture to our daughter in Monterey in the little red Ford Ranger and a rented trailer, Donna and I will drive out to meet the others in Monterey.

It will be a short visit. Just overnight, and we'll head back tomorrow morning, but I am looking forward to seeing Stephanie and her new apartment, to enjoying the wonders of Monterey and maybe visiting a great coffee house owned by a friends daughter See below)... and one last ride with Donna.

Check out:
Black Forest Espresso
188 Country Club Ct
Pacific Grove, CA 93950

Flooding

I haven't "flooded" in a while, maybe even a month... who knows for sure, time and I seem to be incompatible at best. But anyway, I flooded this evening as I prepared to attend my last meeting with the Wednesday Night Bible Study ladies.

I was looking for my sunglasses, had just found my book and had it in my right hand. My purse was on a table in front of me along with the boxed study videos I was taking. Richard was talking with me but I can't remember about what. He usually helps me remember and gather whatever I need when I go out. So far, I was doing fine...

Then my sweet husband handed my a twenty dollar bill so I would have money for my doctor trip tomorrow (just as he always does)... one too many things for my brain to deal with, I guess. I sat there unable to comprehend what to do with the book and the bill and totally beyond understanding or processing Richard's words or the situation in general. Some part of me knows I need to do or say something, but I can't imagine what. My synapses have no spark; my thoughts are mired in molasses or tar and I am stranded in the moment.

Richard knows to stop giving input. He is quiet as he gently takes the money from me and puts it in my wallet. Then he takes the book and puts it with the tapes and lets my brain regain function before he helps me find my sunglasses... He makes sure I am functional before I head off to my meeting. I have flooded, but recovery is fairly quick and I am now safe to drive.

Flooding used to frighten me. I thought of all that might happen during times when my brain quits processing. But I have flooded numerous times during the past 20 months and the worst thing that I've gone through is a car wash with my window down. In fact, now other folks are more upset by my flooding than I am. Oh sure, I hate it, but I also know God is in control and He takes very good care of me even when He sees fit for me to undergo some lessons in learning to trust Him more.

I also notice the Lord's sense of humor. Some pretty funny things have happened in my life since my brain doesn't operate like it used to... but it's late now and those stories must await another time... AWAT

Tuesday's Blog

I saw Dr. Sheehy today. From my very first visit, he has inspired confidence and respect. He is someone I trust. A man of faith with deep convictions and also a doctor with more than a keen mind, he is an expert on traumatic brain injury. In short, he is the perfect neurologist for me just as Dr. McCormick is the ideal neuropsychologist for my condition.

What will I do when I move to Florida? Finding doctors willing to work with California workmen's comp rules will be daunting, but finding doctors of the caliber of my two champion medicos will be impossible! Almost... for with God, all things are possible.

My lawyer's secretary says I will need to come back for depositions, etc. Perhaps I can see my doctors while I'm here. Oh well, one step at a time. God will work it all out and I trust His care and love in all things.

We are leaving in a week. I'm not even close to ready, but again, I will take one step at a time and God will work out the details in addition to the big picture. Actually, it's kind of fun watching God do His thing. He has blessed me with a very interesting life... not always an easy one, but one full of drama as well as fun.

I can't recall ever being bored. But then, I think boredom is a phenomenon of the electronic age where people are used to being entertained rather than entertaining themselves. In my day, kids had toys (or used whatever was handy as a toy) and entertained themselves, mostly out of doors. Now, kids have TV, computers and video games which provide entertainment. Too bad, I doubt they have half the fun I did as a kid.

Well, I've got a lot to " play" with now as I sort and pack while keeping the vision of a small pickup and a 5X8 trailer in mind. Even with two trips, it'll be a squeeze, and I think the boxes of books are reproducing out in the garage when I'm not looking.

Themeless

Many blogs have themes or fit into some sort of blog genre. This one doesn't. Sometimes it seems to resemble a devotional, others it is more journal-like. This blog it "unscripted" and goes more or less in whatever direction the Lord and the words take it.

I began writing a journal when I was a child and continued sporadically during varied periods of my life... creating a very sketchy history. Then my TBI therapists suggested a journal might help lend continuity to my life, something I desperately needed. So, when my blog waxes mundane with routine events of the day, bear in mind that it helps me keep track of the days. I will probably need that more during this upcoming move to Florida.

When there are spiritual "gems," as one reader called them, it is because the Lord has led. I always pray to be able to sense and follow His leading, but both He and I agree that this blog is not particularly designed to deliver sermons. It is rather an open look inside the real-life walk of an everyday Christian who has ups and downs, who learns and has to relearn, who is completely dependent on God for her life... and as an act of obedience in transparency has laid it all out before the public in hopes someone may receive encouragement, a blessing, a chuckle... or the realization that they are not alone.

This blog appears on a church web site as well as several other venues. It is the same in each place, not meant to be "churchy," just real. I pray it will bless you as you read it just as it has blessed me to write it.

I personally know many of you who read regularly, but I have come to know many more readers "digitally." I started writing for me... to help myself, but I had no idea how God would use these verbal ramblings to not only bless some readers, but to enhance my own life in unforeseen ways! Now, you readers are always in the back of my mind as I write, and it changes things... enriches the experience of writing because I pray for you as I "write." (Much of the time I say the words to a microphone and the software types the words for me.) Plus your comments are treasures.

Timeless

I need to change how I do things and quit making deadlines for myself because time and I simply do not get along. I made a note on Handmaidens, a women's webzine, that I would have it out by June 5.... well, it is never going to happen. I am not capable of working on it tonight, but even if I were and labored through until morning, it would be far from finished. It usually takes me four to five hours per page... longer if I'm doing the writing.

I know I can never predict how well I'll be able to function at any given time. So why do I keep boxing myself in? Maybe I'm saying it like I hope it will happen. It would not be a huge deal except it's like breaking a promise. Lord, please forgive... again, and remind me not to keep doing this.

An old song speaks of keeping time in a bottle. If I had some bottled up time, I am convinced I'd lose it or break it. Thank goodness I belong to the Lord and He redeems all my messes. I am forgiven and He remembers no more the promises I've broken out of ignorance or poor judgment or just plain lack of understanding. But people are another matter entirely. People may be inconvenienced by my misjudgment of time and the promises I don't keep. People are some of my favorite beings and I hate letting them down like that.

But God goes one better. He often turns my messes and misses into something good! He has made them into blessings of the most unexpected sort... but I have neither the stamina nor the time to elaborate just now. Suffice it to say that even though Handmaidens is going to be later and Jerri's Munchies may not be out in June as planned, God has overlaid my fretting heart with His peace that surpasses understanding. I will work as hard and as soon as I can but thanks to Him I won't let myself fret about what I cannot do just now.

Postponed

Like my deposition, Handmaidens has been postponed. It's already June 2 and I am in Palo Alto for Donna's bi-weekly treatment. We ran late all day but a glorious day it was!

Since I work on sites "live," I've put a notice announcing a late issue of Handmaidens this month asking folks to come back and see the finished version after June 5.

Now, it's June 3. I fell asleep writing this and better finish fast since we have to be at the hospital soon. More later.... or maybe not.

Canceled

I got a call late yesterday afternoon from my lawyer's office. My deposition was canceled, or I should say postponed until July. I was cool with that. I got to meet with the Women of Grace this morning, so that was good.

The rest of the day was busy and I'm happy to say we hauled off a pickup load of stuff to a friend's garage sale. That much less to move. This weekend, we'll be taking a truck and trailer load of stuff to our daughter, so the house will be pretty bare.

Tonight, I need to get ready to take Donna to Stanford Cancer Center for two days of treatment, and I haven't finished Handmaidens yet, so I will end this by thanking you for all the prayers and encouragements regarding my deposition... will need them again in July! God bless you all, you dear, dear people. Funny how much I love you and I have never even met most of you! It's a God thing, of course!!