Mellow

I went out to Olive Garden with the Ladies Lunch Bunch this afternoon and did fairly well. I felt somewhat better and even though I was often lost as to the topic of conversation, the ladies are quite tolerant and since they all know I have some memory issues, fill me in when I am obviously on a different page that they are. And they do it so nicely! I always lead in prayer when we go out to eat and it's nice that it has become so much a "given" that ladies tell the new ones that I will be saying Grace.

Higgins seems better today also. He just finished another snack. I feed him about every two hours because he cannot stand to eat much at one time. He looks more alert this evening than he has in days. I am so thankful!

I read my deposition, over 100 pages! I am supposed to correct any errors... ha! I can't keep focused on it long enough to tell if there are any mistakes, but I know I told the truth to the best of my ability so any errors are probably still errors in my head. Oh well. Richard read it, too and kept laughing. I'm not sure what he thought was funny, but it wasn't a mean laugh. He never laughs in derision of anyone.

I played an online game on pogo.com with a Wal-Mart Asst. Mgr. from Wyoming. She loves her job and I enjoyed chatting with her so much. I miss Wal-Mart. Best place I ever worked. Too bad it gets so much bad press.

Richard will be working on Christmas day so we won't be going anywhere. Maybe I'll go to Disney and ride around on his bus with him. Also, maybe we can get together with Athena and Brian before or after the holiday... whenever we know what the rest of his work schedule will be.

I'm feeling quite mellow this evening. Sort of lazy and content to do nothing. That's rare for me but it's kind of nice right now and I am enjoying it. No deep thoughts to impart and nothing really happening in my head, so I'll sign off and go to bed, leaving you with a blessing and a prayer that you will know the peace and joy of God's love and see yourself as Jesus sees you.

The Flesh Is Weak

I slept late. Feeling I needed the rest, Richard did not awaken me for church. A nagging tightness, a persistent and deep ache continue to plague my nose and the back of my neck. The top and back of my head feel hot and burn just below the scalp.

A long, hot bath is relaxing but does little to ease the symptoms. It's not a cold, really, although one nostril is swollen shut. No cough, sore throat or other cold symptoms. I take a zinc lozenge and added vitamin C just to be sure.

As God intended, this is a day of rest for me. I do no paperwork, no housework. I made a rich chicken crock pot meal yesterday and we eat it today. Glorified chicken soup, only thicker. Rachel Ray calls thick soups, stoups or stewps, a cross between soup and stew.

After Richard has gone to work, I sleep away the late afternoon. He calls during his break to say he loves me. I stand in the doorway as we talk and watch Higgins who is standing on the side lawn staring at nothing.

Higgins is almost 15. Even at this age, he is a fine looking bulldog of almost perfect conformation. But he would never have made it in the show ring because of a bad mouth. Higgins joined our family when his first family found their new baby was allergic to him. He has been a loving and wonderful friend but I still sometimes see a sadness in his face, a longing in his gaze. I know he wonders what he did to be sent away after nine years.

Like me, Higgins doesn't feel up to par. Unlike me, he will probably not get better. We hand feed him now because he can no longer eat on his own. Even so, his tongue get blue and he begins to stagger as I feed him or as he simply walks across the room. We know it won't be long.

The flesh is weak. Praise God there is more than the flesh. I don't know God's plan for animals, but I know God's nature is love... and I trust who He is that whatever He designs is perfect in every aspect... perfect and complete. So often we see such a tiny piece of the whole, like an achy nose or a beloved dying dog, we get stuck there and fail to see the big picture.

The day is coming when we'll see the completeness and perfection of all God's work and all His plans, and it will be wonderful.

Blessings

I am still not quite up to par, still tired from my journey, I suppose. I spent much of the day bringing our financial records up to date and going through mail that came while I was gone. The house is fairly clean now, the laundry's all done and we had decent meals for the past few days, so things are slowly getting back to normal.

The International Food & Wine Festival is at Epcot and I hope to spend a day or two taking in some of the seminars and sampling the foods, but right now, I simply don['t have the energy. I've been praying about that.

Perhaps my reduced stamina is a result of sitting behind the wheel so long. For days and weeks, I did little but drive and visit and sleep... well, there was a meal or two in there, also! The bottom line is, I got no exercise of any kind and that will sap you more than you realize.

Plus, I've had some really bad headaches, seemingly more than usual. That, too, may be simply a byproduct of fatigue. A vicious circle... fatigue can bring on headaches; headache leave me exhausted... the only answer is in prayer.

On a more positive note, I had phone calls from two of my sons in the past two days! Also, I don't know if I wrote that I am a greatgrandma again. A beautiful boy, Conner. Dispite all my grumbling, I am supremely blessed and I know it!

Hurry - Scurry

Blog before time runs out... Blog fast, edit later.

Earlier, there was a storm and my internet connection was slow. Indeed, I never was able to bring up "Blogger" at all. My urgency was related to the fact that I don't know how to postdate a post. Already much confusion for me and others has ensued because the chariot turned into a pumpkin before I could get my blog finished and posted.

Please, all you techies out there, leave me mercifully alone in my low tech daze. All the instructions just make it worse and I have devised my our workarounds, cumbersome as they are.

We have a new great-grandson, Connor. He was born baby boy October 21 at 7:00p.m. and is 7 pounds 20 inches long. Miraculously, Richard was able to bring up and looki at him on th telephone. Amazing! wE CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO PUT HIM ON OUR COMUTERS OR TO PRINT PICTURES, BUT WE ARE SO PROUD OF HIM.

Since he wasn't courtious enough to be born when I was back there, we'll have to wait til this summer see him. By then, he'll look like Connor, for he is a rugged individualists and will grace the planet with with all his unique specialness.

Chi, Connor's, dad is a handsome young man with a strong family full of traditions. They are from Thaiwan. Our beautiful and very talented granddaughter, Trudy is Connor's mom. Trudy's going to make a great mom.

It's so reassuring to know God is still in the miracle business and that mercy is always on special. Oh, how I pray that our children, yours and mine, and our grandchildren and great grandchildren will know Him, too.

Glimpses

It's good to be home. I left 8/28/06, and have driven almost 7,500 miles. After only a few days, the journey required all my mental energy so that I was simply too cognitively tired to post. Without regard to chronology, here are some glimpses of why my brain was so fried and of the wonders God has done to see me through.

I awaken to the phone but cannot immediately find it. I am parked in a vacant field but do not remember driving here. What state am in? Sort of looks like eastern Colorado... but I'm not supposed to be in Colorado. No time. Did I leave a gate open? Will cattle or sheep escape? My brain flits from one thought to the next as I frantically try to focus on the telephone voice asking me questions about my brain injury. Slowly, things come together. The Florida psychologist I contacted before I left home is calling. Well, his wife/secretary/assistant is calling to screen me as a potential patient. She must have found me confused enough to need their help because she said I was accepted. Thanks be to God, for I had been praying about that. Losing Dr. McCormick has been a real blow.

Yellowstone is wondrous. No, I'm not lost again, we chose to make a side trip to Yellowstone because it isn't too far. A light dusting of snow makes it magical as light filtered from partly cloudy skies plays softly on the many textures of trees, grass, rock and earth. Wildlife abound and are quite comfortable with their human visitors... that often leads to problems for both. Donna and I do not feed or approach the elk, bison, moose, etc. It's snowing and almost dark as we leave over a narrow mountain road. A sign warns us that roads are not maintained after 6:30 P.M. The road is treacherous. I have not been afraid on the road in a long time but my heart is icy with fear now, not for myself, but for Donna. God takes us safely off the mountain and we stop, famished, at The Garage Cafe for a long overdue meal.

We spend several days in Faulkton, SD at the home of my 2nd cousin Esther who makes us feel like royalty. Donna does a dozen things for Esther I wish I could have thought of... but I had no list and without a list, I cannot seem to know what needs done. Esther rounds up local kin folk for a mini Cooper reunion. Other cousins, Bob and Evelyn have us over to dinner. It's good to be with family. I am thankful Donna could meet them and they all just loved her!

Later, we go to Aberdeen, SD and spend a couple of days with more kin folk, then we're off to Iowa where we stop at another cousin's home, gathering family history and genealogy at every stop. I had never met the Iowa cousin and am acutely aware that I am not keeping up with the conversation well at all. Donna carries the day, and Norma loves her. I don't know what we talked about.

Our next stop is in Rock Island, IL to visit another cousin we've never met. She's quite elderly and very witty. When I call for her address, she gives me the name of a hotel saying "you can't miss it; it"s the only hotel in town!" Rock Island is one of four cities known as the "Quad Cities," a huge metro area. Still my cousin only knows the name of the hotel! It's dark and I'm tired. We get off the freeway but can't find a gas station and end up lost. I try to avoid the bridge over the Mississippi (I don't like big bridges) but end up being funneled onto it and into a not-so-nice neighborhood on the other side. I pull over to pray and try to figure out where we are. We decide to get a room and look for our long lost cousin tomorrow.

Back across the "Big Muddy" we go and cannot find the freeway. We make a left in the direction I think we must go and there at the curb is a bus. I stop to ask the driver about the freeway and the hotel. The hotel is right in front of us just three blocks down! All the while we thought we were lost, God was leading us straight to the right hotel! Our cousin is a charming, petite woman who enjoys great views from her corner suite on the top floor of "the only hotel in town." I'm so glad we met her!

The scene repeats itself over and over. We pull in for gas, stop at a cafe or motel, and cannot find our way back to the freeway, or perhaps we get on the road going the wrong way. Sometimes, I just don't notice when we are supposed to turn onto a new route. We do a lot of turning around... sometimes after going some distance in a wrong direction. I think God uses each detour to put us in the right place at the right time... maybe to be a blessing to someone or perhaps to save us from an accident or some other mishap. I don't mind being lost. Thankfully, neither does Donna.

I left my camera in one of the motels. Donna figured out which one and when I call, the owner, a small Arab man with a heavy accent who had made waffles for us the morning after our stay, tells me he has the camera and will send it. The camera arrived unharmed two days ago. I call the man to thank him. I also thank God and pray the man has heard what I have told him about the Lord Jesus.

The address for my new neuropsychologist that I gave my lawyer and CA doctors is not correct. The stuff the lawyers sent him came back. It's not a transposed number, which I do a lot of, but an entirely different stree, etc. I am trying to get that corrected.

I vacuumed, washed walls and mopped and feel better. Richard doesn't see dirt. He picks up the clutter and thinks the house is clean. I was so frustrated when I came home, I went in the bathroom and cried... then I hurt his feelings by saying he hadn't cleaned. He said, "Yes, I did clean. You should have seen it before I cleaned!" I cracked up!! He got over his hurt quickly and laughed with me.... Then he said, "Seriously, I spent all day cleaning before you came home." Considering what it looked like when I got here, that is scary!

Update

Thank you for your emails, calls, prayers, etc. I am fine. I have just been too tired to post.

I made it to California and spent Wednesday with precious friends from church hosted by Bev. Kat and Jimmie took care of me Wednesday and Thursday nights. Both Kat and Bev provided the sticky notes I needed to get
me through the days and to each place I was going. I didn't feel embarrassed to ask where the bathroom was over and over or ask what we are talking about. These are good friends who love me the way I am.

I didn't get to see pastor Rob and Cathy and so many others... I didn't even get to see Stephanie and Chani (daughter and granddaughter). Not enough time or energy to do it all.

Doctors' visits went well Thursday... Hard to say goodbye to these caring men who have helped me so much. But I have needed more frequent care and now I will have Florida doctors as soon as the lawyers and insurers do whatever they do to make that happen. I ate and went right to bed at Kat's when I got home. I had had a headache between doctors (a five hour intermission) and I was sooo tired! Good friends don't insist you stay up and visit. Thank you, Lord, for good friends!

The deposition was on Friday. Everyone else was more worried about it than me... until it was going on. I didn't feel threatened. I planned to tell the truth anyway, but my problem is that I kept telling too much of it (according to a lady lawyer sitting on my side of the table) also I lost track of what the question was. The "opposing" lawyer was nice. He was not upset if I broke the rules. I tried to focus, not volunteer information, let him finish his question, etc. but I messed up so much! I hate not doing well or having right answers!!!!

It took a long time for me to find Donna. I stopped beside the 99 Freeway and a man form some kind of freeway patrol (not police) came along after a while and asked if I was okay. I thought that was quite nice, but I didn't want to involve him in trying to find where I was headed. I didn't want him, in trying to help, to ask questions I couldn't think of the answers to.

It's funny I was having trouble going to Oakdale; I went there twice a month for over a year! My brain was tired and I was afraid I was going to get that bone deep exhaustion that often comes. I had a call from a friend in Dothan, AL and even though she had bad news, her sweet voice cheered and uplifted me. I pulled over to the shoulder to talk to her then stayed a while to rest.

Now, Donna and I are at a motel. I slept 11 hours and feel better. We made it 130 miles yesterday, whoopeee! God is good and we are safe. I am laughing at my self... Donna's little black phone and and I answered the TV remote control! OOPS! Laughter is good medicine.

I will probably not have internet service for several days, so trust that God is taking very good care of us.... He always has.

Frescatas

I am safely tucked into a nice motel in New Mexico. I bought two "Black Forest Frescatas" (ham sandwiches) at Wendy's before I rented the room. Richard was dismayed that all I have eaten this trip is one ham sandwhich a day plus granola bars I brought with me.... so I bought two sandwiches. One for now and one for later.

Okay, I know that sounds sad, but when I am tired, I don't want to think about what to eat. I like ham and it's easy... I can get it at a drive through.

I also had a Frescata this afternoon. I had been pain free all trip but a headache pushed into my life at about two in the afternoon and I had to stop. I saw a Wendy's and bought the Frescata to take my pain pill with (I have to take it with food) then as God would have it, I saw a Wal-Mart. Perfect! I parked in the farthest corner of the lot, backing into the sun, and felt safe and comfortable to rest there and pray the pill overtook the pain before the pain overtook me.

Actually, I feel pretty safe to sleep anywhere, but I like some places better than others. Partking lots, mostly. Wal-Mart is at the top of my list, drive in food places and computer stores are next. My least favorite places are rest areas and side streets. Once, when I parked in a residential area in Berthoud, CO, I woke up with a curious man looking in my window.

I also don't like to sleep along the freeway onramps like you so often see truckers doing. I didn't like that even when I was driving truck. For one thing, there is no rest room nearby for when you wake up desperate to go.

But getting back to here and now... my headache is all gone, but as they often do, it left me drained, so I didn't make many miles today. I still have two more days to get there, so I should be all right. It's so nice to know that even though my brain is unreliable, my God is not. He knows where I am and watches over me 24/7. There is incredible peace and freedom in that!