Paying Bills

Today was bill paying day, which means that I also do my books. I use Quicken, and it's helped me keep a bridle on spending and enabled us to be virtually debt free at last.

Well, perhaps that isn't quite accurate. I have used Quicken for years and we were in debt far beyond our eyebrows for most of them. God is who helped us get out of debt. He has provided income opportunities and given us strength to curtail unplanned purchases except in emergencies.

By honoring God in our finances, we have also benefited ourselves. Did you know there are more verses in the Bible about managing our material things than almost any other subject. We make a point to give back to God a portion of what He has placed in our hands. We also try to follow the financial advice in scripture.

Credit cards were our biggest downfall. It was all too easy to fill a cart full of Wal-Mart bargains I did not really need and think I was saving money, but when the bills came in with huge interest charges, I was really losing money and losing heart! Our credit card debt was in the thousands. We still use credit cards, but we track the total and pay them off each month.

Oh, I almost forgot to write about yesterday. I had what I thought were tiny bug bites Monday night. Very itchy. Yesterday, we has business in Daytona and I scratched all the way there and back. By then I knew I had a rash and was afraid it might be measles, which I never had as a child.

Richard had an insurance physical to take so could not go with me to the doctor. My rash by then was all over and blisters were forming. My doctor was concerned. I was praying, scratching, rubbing and wheezing. Out came the needle and I got a shot in the hip. It's been a long, long time since I've had a shot like that, but it did do wonders. I am now on a 5 day regime of pills. It seems I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotic I was on for an upper respiratory infection. Bummer.

The rash cleared and I am comfortable now, and thankful to the Lord that I did not have a worse reaction and that I am well.

But the pills make me sleepy, so zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Cold

It will be in the twenties tonight here in Central Florida. That's colder than it's ever been since we came, and it blesses me because we've spent much of our lives where winter temperatures dip far below zero and the icy winds seem to cut right through to the bone.

We draped a sheet over our baby tree, but we don't need block heaters on the vehicles, and our muck-a-luck snow boots are still in the plastic sacks they moved here in. We gave away our parkas when we moved here.

Yes, 23 degrees is okay with us. For a day or so, anyway, because it reminds us just how blessed we are to be here.

Oh, for the reader who wondered what Richard's job is: He is a bus driver for Walt Disney World. He does all his driving on Disney property, but that covers an amazing amount of territory.

We are thankful for his job. The pay is decent, the benefits are good and Disney is a great company to work for... plus he gets to bless a lot of folks and be blessed by them as well. Unlike management positions, he can leave the job at the job, not having to deal with it at all hours and not having to worry about budgets, politics and all the rest of it.

Well, It's late and I'm tired, so that's all, folks!

Questions for God

My friend Tiffany is considering Christianity, reading the Bible. She's in Genesis and is troubled about the last plague in Egypt where all the firstborn die except in those families who followed God's rather elaborate instructions regarding blood on doorposts, etc. Passover. The angel of death passed over some and took others. Why would God do that?

Tiffany is also concerned that God hardened Pharoah's heart, as it is put in Old Testament language. That one is easier to address. In the original language the meaning is that God left Pharoah to the hardness of his heart. It isn't that God MADE the man's heart hard, but that God opted to leave him that way, not trying further to bring him around.

As she reads onward, Tiffany will have more questions. What of Abraham's orders to sacrifice his son? Or the ground opening up to swallow a whole family of folks? Oh, and she already read about the Flood, right? Why did God do those things that seem so extreme to us?

Indeed, doesn't the whole Mosaic Law seem pretty harsh? You know, it started with the Ten Commandments, but then God gave Moses unending regulations covering almost every aspect of life.

Then there are the minutely detailed instructions for building the Tabernacle which was a tent version of the Temple that was to come later after God's people were settled in the Promised Land.

And what about Hell? I have a daughter who says she could not love a God who would create Hell. Hell brings up so many questions, it deserves its own blog. Read on...

Deep theological questions. I am not the one to answer them. I could spend weeks, months, years writing about them, but why do that when the One who has the answers is SO available.

To understand what God was doing in the Old Testament, you need to meet Jesus. While Jesus is woven throughout Old Testament pages, you need a closer look. Instead of starting in Genesis, go to John where you will meet the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. Like Genesis, John starts with, "In the beginning..." "The Word" refers to Jesus.

Next, move through the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke) and Acts. After that study Romans. Merely reading it isn't enough. Then, when you go back to Genesis, you will see with new eyes.

Jesus came to this earth, God with skin on, so we could better understand our triune God: God the Father; God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. But I must caution you that man is not capable of thinking the thoughts of God nor imagining God's ways.

Let me just say this about death and Hell and God. God's creation was perfect. Then man chose to know evil as well as good and sin came into the world bringing with it death, illness, and corruption to all creation. Since then, "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

God is fully just. Sin produces a horrid dilemma for Him. He created out of pure love, but because He is just He cannot let sin go unpunished. Justice must be served. He is completely holy, but those He created are now unclean, stained with all manner of sin. They cannot thus be with Him. The sin must be paid for. The sinners must be cleaned up, sanctified, made holy.

Enter Jesus to do both jobs! Amazingly, most will reject Him even though they need do or pay nothing for His great gift.

You see, we don't get it. We don't realize how vile sin is. Sure, we can point a finger at the rapist, the thief or other more overt sinners, but compared to God's purity and holiness, no one able to know right and wrong is clean enough to be in His presence. He gave up everything to fix the sin problem.

We cannot know or judge God's plans and ways. His power and right of ownership give Him full sway. But He is not capricious. I trust His motives absolutly... even when I am too short sighted to see His plans.

There's one last word I'd like you to consider: FAITH.

So, even if you don't know Him yet, ask God to teach you as you read His word. Ask Him to plant a seed of faith and help you water it.

Baring the Soul

Yesterday afternoon, I met with my self therapy partner from Giveback. We meet at her home which is a wondrous place since she loves nature. Her plants flourish. Her corn snake is radiant. Her caterpillars are well on their way to butterflyhood. To top all that off, she loves the Lord. It's grand.

My friend had a headache and had had a hard day. Nonetheless, she is a determined soul, so we worked on our treatment plans and made new ones for this week, and before I knew it, two and a half hours had passed, and we were hungry. Hunger sneaks up on the brain injured somewhat in the same manner that fatigue overtakes us, flash flood quick.

Richard was working late, so rather than eating alone, we decided to join one another for dinner in a great little Mexican place she knew of. The food was authentic and exactly what I needed. We visited about things not related to head injury. We explored God's revealed thoughts on marriage and divorce. We revisited Christ's "Sermon on the Mount," and as we got to know one another better. Gradually, she became comfortable with sharing some of her inner, more private self with me.

I have little or no private self. I once hid behind a wall of strength (or so I thought) but there is danger of becoming hard and tough when seeking to be strong enough for the struggle. And there have been some struggles. It took three brain injuries to completely convince me that the vulnerability exposed by openly baring one's soul can actually be an asset. For one thing, you see yourself more clearly after the facades are stripped away.

I cannot be concerned about what others will think, nor responsible for it. What they think is their responsibility. My only obligation is to love them. Oh, yes, God has commanded that! Admittedly, in some cases, it's a challenge, but my friend from Giveback is not such a case.

Today is a lazy day. I went to a fashion show here in the park. Had a great time! Now, as soon as my Sweetie awakens from his nap, we are going on a date. Well, here he is, so I bid you all farewell.

Grace

It is always amazing to me that God's love is limitless. Even though I am sometimes cranky, ungrateful and unthinking, He still loves and forgives me. Grace. God's grace, as it says in the song, is greater than all my sin.

As petulant as I was yesterday, He was unchanging and unfailing in His love. In fact, there is nothing any of us can do to cause Him to love us one bit less, or to make Him love us any more. God's love is total. It's absolutely pure and completely unconditional. Think about that for a moment. It's simply incomprehensible!

It's really too bad that guilt drives people away from God. Realization of our sin ought to send us straight to His throne. It is a seat of mercy. Jesus died for all our sins. The ones we've already committed as well as those we'll fall into tomorrow. He offers complete forgiveness as a free gift for those who will accept it. It's truly sad how many folks refuse.

So, today I went to see my neurologist and got a prescription for my pain meds. I was able to fill that in about an hour so was home by early afternoon. My mood was better even though my body still feels awful. God is good and I trust and love Him with all that I am... even though I sometimes tell Him and the world that I don't like some of life's tests and lessons. Paul said to count it all joy when we face various trials, pains and problems... God is using them for our good and His glory. We are growing and learning.

So today, I am praising Him, thanking Him, loving Him more and more. I cannot understand His GRACE, but I walk in it moment by moment with complete dependence.

Bad Mood

I've been a week trying to get my prescriptions corrected and filled. So far, I have spent a total of 5 hours on different days sitting on the little metal bench in front of the pharmacy window at Wal-Mart and I still do not have the meds I need. It is not the pharmacist's fault, however.

When I finally got a neurologist in Florida, I took him the medication bottles of what I have been on for two years. He suggested a different sleep med to help establish sleep patterns after brain injury. He gave me samples and a prescription. The workmens comp carrier has to approve it. The pharmacy called and left a message. Finally, today, the adjuster returned the call and denied the medication! No explanation. They won't cover it, period.

The pain meds I have been taking have been reasonably effective. I didn't realize the doctor had changed the prescription to Vicoden (5/500), which I can't take. The pharmacy faxed both of his offices and I called several times. I was always told he would call back. Now a WEEK HAS GONE BY AND STILL NOTHING! I am down to 2 pills. We are at crisis level at this point.

I am going to his office tomorrow. He's only there once a week!

I cannot deal with the head pain and no effective meds. It feels really awful to be at the mercy of a system of others who have your well-being in their hands and do not seem to care about it.

I know I am letting it all hang out and will mellow out later after prayer... but I made a promise that this blog would be the real deal, and right now, this is how I feel. Of course, deep down, I know God has it all under control, but I MUST SAY I'M NOT LIKING THE LESSON I'M SUPPOSED TO BE LEARNING FROM ALL THIS.

Pain Powerup

Ear ache! Throat ulcers, ouch! I'm having a pain powerup!

Pain can be a good thing.

Pain gets our attention. It forces us to DO something about the problem.

So I'm taking my antibiotic and gargling my salt water and if it doesn't get better, I'll call the doctor again.

Of course, I am praying and God is listening. The fact that the pain is still here and getting worse simply means the Lord wants me to do something at this level. Maybe my doctor needs to hear a "Praise the Lord!" from me.

Maybe I pray better when I hurt.

Whatever, I still trust my Lord.

Unknown Etiology

My sore throat returned two days after the antibiotic was all taken. I decided I probably had a virus and treated myself with salt water (gargles) and pain meds. Finally, the pain became so severe, I had to seek medical help again.

My doctor agrees I have a terribly sore throat but is unsure of the cause (etiology) so gave me more antibiotic and also is treating for heartburn, saying acid reflux may be causing the lesions in my throat.

Whatever the cause, the pain is getting out of hand and has extended to my right ear. I surely doubt acid reflux causes ear aches!

This is truly getting old! I am praying for healing and for patience... and asking you to pray, too.

Breaking In

My friend Katie and I had a breakfast date today. When she came to pick me up, I let the dogs out for a run before we left. Oops, I locked myself out, and the dogs along with me. We used to keep a spare key on a shelf in the shed, but that got moved when the shed was expanded and new shelves built.

Deciding to deal with the problem after my time with Katie, I put a rug down and left the dogs in the shed. Yes, there is a window and lots of room, so they were fine. Then I used Katie's cell phone to call and leave a message for Richard. It's still in his phone, unheard.

After Katie brought me home, I decided to be proactive and break into my house. It was disturbingly easy, and I am not a pro. Come to think of it, if someone really wants in your house or car, they can get in. They may need to break a window (I didn't do that) or cause some other damage, but if they are breaking in, it's doubtful they care!

Richard says locks only keep honest people honest, and I suppose he's right. We have insurance to cover a theft, but the things I really care about aren't appealing to robbers, anyway. Thieves don't want pictures of my grandkids or keepsakes from my childhood. Vandals might destroy those things out of pure meanness, though, I guess. But no one can take my memories.

Come to think of it, I grow less and less attached to stuff all the time. My love for family and friends and mankind in general increases with each day and my greatest treasure is indeed laid up in heaven where it cannot be lost. There is a wonderful peace about that!

Oh sure, I would be upset if someone broke in and took our belongings. It's happened in the past, and I felt truly violated. Someone broke into our house several times when we lived in Dothan, Alabama, and our van was broken into twice in Las Vegas. We once had a storage unit invaded and what wasn't stolen was trashed. I was angry and hurt.

I would be hurt if it happened now, but not quite as deeply, I think. After all, I'm just a visitor. My real home and all my wealth are in Heaven.

Dayfull

I am using my repeating timer and day planner to be very disciplined with my time and tasks. No more flying solo and not using strategies that help. Why would I do that, anyway? Why would I not want to use cues and aids to make life more stable?

Rebellion? I hope not, that's what put the human race in a pickle to start with.

Denial? Perhaps, some.

Laziness? More probably that, but in all honesty, there is a bit of all three. Living with strategies, lists, timers, etc. is a lot of WORK and a big bother. But then, living in chaos with no idea or record if you have done the things you ought or have promised to do is not all that fun, either!

So, here I am in a very rigid mode, almost dogged in my obedience to it in an effort to establish a pattern of consistency and develop habits. Oh, I will always need my lists and other aids. What I am training myself to do is USE them. I will also work at finding other solutions to problems my damaged brain causes.

Today, I will see my Florida neurologist for the first time. Recall I saw the new neuropsychologist already. I am thankful to finally have a local neurologist. For one, I wasn't sure anyone would take me since I am an out of state workmen's comp patient. MANY I CALLED SAID NO. Secondly, I am almost out of meds. But, of course, God's timing is always perfect.

This afternoon, I will take a friend to some appointments and then we'll have dinner before going to Giveback.

Well, I have two minutes to finish this, LOL. Yes, my timer's about to ding, With this small time I will praise the Lord for He alone is worthy of praise. I will ask for your prayers that I will follow and use my planner etc. Have a blessed day!

Discipline

I was looking forward to my scheduled outing to Mimi's Cafe with the ladies of the Red Hat Club, so I donned my purple outfit first thing, not even glancing at my Morning List which ensures I brush teeth, take pills, and perform all my other AM ablutions once, but only once each morning.

Every now and then, like today, I try to fly "solo," ignoring the list. I was sure I was just fine... Not so. Soon I had gone from feeding the dogs (one has to be hand fed since he can no longer eat by himself) to mopping the kitchen floor and washing woodwork, then on to dusting, all in my dressy clothes, mind you! I have no idea whether I even washed my face or put on deodorant today.

I never finished the dusting because my ride was honking in the driveway. Grabbing purse and hat, I was gone without a thought about the fact I was supposed to drive myself today because I was leaving straight from Mimi's to meet a friend from Giveback.

I had a marvelous time with my fellow Red Hatters and called my friend to reset our time to work together. She is a TBI survivor, like me, and we are working together on the self therapy program developed by Dr. Larry Shutz, founder of Giveback.

My friend, who I will call Sue, and I accomplished much, setting formal goals and arriving at reasonable steps to attain them. Our first week, we are working on developing a disciplined approach to using our day planners and staying on task the proper amount of time. I am greatly encouraged!

I am so thankful for Sue. She is a remarkable woman and extremely intelligent... even better, she's a follower of Jesus Christ! So, as we work to develop "fixes" for the problems our damaged brains cause us, we can both include the designer of those brains!

Castles in the Sand

I spent much of the day cleaning and organizing the old and new portions of our shed. We bought a plastic pantry this morning and built the steel shelves we bought the other day and so now we are ready to move everything from the storage unit tomorrow.

Although I am excited about all this, I realize it isn't especially interesting to anyone else, so I offer something quite a bit more inspiring....

Check out all three pages after clicking the link below. You will be amazed at the talent and wonder how this much art could come out of the sand. In your wonder, look inside yourself at the amazing gifts God has placed in YOU! If you don't see them, ask Him to open your eyes... I guarantee, He placed something very special there.

Now on to the sand... Enjoy!

http://www.greatervancouverparks.com/HARRISONSandCastles01.html

Easy Way Out

Blogger was down when I tried to post last night. True, I could have written at one of my other blog hosts and copied it here, but I took the easy way out and made brownies instead. I didn't feel especially led to write, so I guess no harm was done... except to our waistlines.

The easy way out can't always be taken. Some things require more thought and dedication. Like finding a CHURCH HOME.

This morning, I went back to the Community church I had visited two weeks ago. I didn't go last week because I was sick. Richard had to work so missed an excellent Sunday School lesson as well as a thought provoking sermon. We are praying for guidance as to where the Lord would have us locate in a church family. As I mentioned before, this is a young church with mostly young members and staff. That's cool with us... we love young folks.

I am anxious for Richard to get to know the church better and for both of us to visit with the Pastor and Elders or Deacons about their belief statement. I am non-denominational, but having once been led into Mormonism (before I understood they were not just another Protestant religion) I am very fussy about knowing in full what a church believes before committing myself to it. That's just part of being Spiritually responsible.

I'll keep you posted...

African Splendor

We made plans long ago to spend a mini-vacation at Disney's Animal Kingdom Lodge on the 10th and 11th. Sadly, we both got sick and were ill when the big day arrived. I had been to the doctor a few days before and Richard gave in and sought medical help the day we were due to start our stay with the animals.

The resort is done in an African theme and features imported art, furnishings, etc. Many workers are African natives and the culinary offerings are as authentic as the decor. One could spend hours just soaking up all that this virtual museum of African culture has to delight the senses.

But we were tired and sick... Loaded up with antibiotics, we checked into the lodge about four in the afternoon and immediately headed for our room overlooking an expanse of grassland chock full of animals. We turned up the heat and stood on the balcony watching the wildlife. There were close to fifty animals, at least, and in splendid variety. Imagine the fun God had designing them all!

Later, we soaked in the spa before dining from the 60 plus buffet offerings from Africa and America. Back in our room, we fell asleep early and slept late. Breakfast arrived soon after we woke up and when we had eaten, it was time to check out.

Well medicated, fed and rested, we headed for the Animal Kingdom where we spent a leisurely afternoon enjoying Disney's imaginative presentation of animals from Asia and Africa. By the time we got home, I needed to head out for Giveback and Richard went to pick up the dogs from Athena's.

Short, but memorable and "just what the doctor ordered," our little getaway was superb! We are so thankful for Athena and Brian who made it possible by keeping our dogs, the "Aliens." We are thankful, too, that God loved us so much, He created a wondrous world full of splendid animals, plants, features and other people for us to enjoy! He is indeed our awesome God!

Doctors

Yesterday, I spent the whole day taking brain tests even though I felt terrible. This is the worst sore throat I have ever had! Not to mention the ear ache and cough. My M.D. took one look at my throat and wrote a prescription for HUGE pills that should knock out the nastiest of bugs. I was in and out of the examining room in 10 minutes.

I really do hope to feel much better soon. Richard and I begin a two day mini-vacation tomorrow, (our belated anniversary celebration) and I want to feel good enough to enjoy it and be fun to be with.

I took the dogs to stay with Athena and Brian, we made reservations months ago at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, and Richard arranged for extra time off, so well or sick, I am going!... Unless, of course, God calls me home or the Rapture happens in the meantime.

No blog the next two days. God Bless!!

One Word Blog

Relapse!

Reeinlisted

My planner and I got along better today than we have in many months. Last night at Giveback, Dr. Shutz said structure was the brain injured person's best friend. He also had some sage advice about actually using the planner as a guide to your day.

For me, lists add structure. I have not really used my lists much since we moved. So many things are different here that my lists needed modifications. Today, I did that. My morning list ensured I had myself and my house taken care of before I ambled away to start some other project. No more discovering half way through the day that I have not combed my hair, or made the bed, or gotten dressed or any other morning routine thing.

I also put new batteries in my visual timer and it has really helped me stay focused and also cued me when it's time to take a break. After 15 to 20 minutes, I begin to lose concentration and my efficiency fades or I just wander away from the task at hand and go off to take a nap or play video games.

Well today, with weekly, monthly and quarterly home care lists all revised and printed and my Morning List back in place, I feel on top of things for the first time since I came here. I also took Dr. Shutz's advice to schedule free time for playing, or whatever I want to do.

Almost everything in my planner is done. I was careful not to make empty promises to myself by overloading the day with more than I could ever do (my usual habit) and yet I got quite a lot done. In fact, I had some extra time so went out and raked our leaves and swept the street for about half a block.

I almost hate to admit what a huge difference a bit of structure makes for me. The rebel inside me still wants to convince me I am well enough to wing it, but that's a lie and today proves it. I will happily embrace my lists and strategies from now on and look for new ones to make things work even better. I deserve that and so does Richard. God has a plan for my life and I want to be available.

Giveback

I didn't feel much like going, but Giveback is too important to me to miss a minute. At Giveback, brain injury survivors, care givers, students and professionals work together for recovery. The organization is the brainchild of Dr. Larry Shutz. I invite you to find out more at the web site: http://givebackorlando.com where a wealth of resources and information is available.

There, I am learning to become my own therapist... Good thing because my workmen's comp carrier decided to deny further therapy long ago because I was just too far gone to benefit and would never get well enough to hold any kind of job. When I appealed, they denied it again, this time saying I had produced an organized, well written letter, therefore didn't need further therapy!

At Giveback, survivors work on recovery. There is no charge, not even for the two books available on the web site. Just print them out! FREE!!! Then as the survivors recover, they help other survivors, giving back to the system that they received from as it were. Sorta sounds like God's economy, doesn't it?

I praise God for Dr. Shutz and all the others who participate... with no financial remuneration whatsoever. WHAT A BLESSING!

Caught

I have caught Richard's bug... or it caught me. Either way, I am going to bed.

A Short One

Richard is feeling a bit better today, or so he says. He still seems pretty sick to me and he sounds worse than ever. Please continue in prayer for him. His cough is what concerns me most. His color is better, though and he took down the Christmas lights form the eaves.

This has been a particularly bad brain day for me. I didn't sleep well last night and I'm sure that makes mental function worse. Most of my day was spent hunting for things I "just had." I had a long list of to do items in my planner. I worked on most of the items but got not one finished and checked off. In fact, I made things worse by leaving half done projects all over the place.

Now, I have a headache which is building up a head of steam and threatening to crush my brain, so I bid you good night and God bless.

Ramblings

Richard is still unwell and spent the day resting. If he hasn't improved by morning, he has agreed to see a doctor. I pray he is back to good health soon; I hate to see him suffer.

As for me, I raked leaves today. We have a huge live oak tree in our front yard and across the street, our good neighbors have one, too. I love these trees, but they put a whole lot of leaves on the ground. I raked our yard and three of our neighbors' yards as well as the street, and now I have some well earned blisters. Altogether, I raked for about four hours. The activity was good for me.

Some time back, Athena and Brian told us about a movie favorite of theirs, "Blade Runner." It was on AMC tonight and I watched it. As is the norm for me, I couldn't keep track of the story line. I did enjoy the mood and the 40's feel of the film which is actually set in a future time. The musical score was also intriguing, especially suited to the setting.

The little TV here in the office is on, tuned to a football game Richard had been watching as he played Pogo games earlier. One of the players has been injured and the obvious pain distorts his face. I am not a fan of any sport -- the games just don't interest me-- but I really dislike football, boxing, wrestling and hockey. The violence bothers me and I don't want to watch. I don't condemn those who enjoy these sports. It's certainly not my place to make such a judgment, but I do find it incredible that they are so popular.

Our storage rooms are almost complete. Only some finish work remains to be done and the addition of two shelves. We will wait until Richard is well before setting it up and moving things into it. I am extremely pleased at the prospect of getting things organized and safely stored. It will save money, too... no more storage unit rent to pay!