Lost Days

I arrived home from California Wednesday evening and cannot thank my Lord enough for the safe travels both ways as well as His constant blessing while I was gone. I can't recall the last few days, but I believe I just stayed home. I am always super tired after a trip, plus I still have my nasty cold. It got somewhat better then worse again. I'm fed up with it!

As always, I had misgivings about keeping my wits about me at the airports, but my wheelchair system seems to be quite efficient. I met and shared the Lord with four fine young men who ferried me through on each leg of my journey as well as the taxi driver from India who returned me from the doctor's office to my hotel the day I forgot my phone.

All my other ground transportation was taken care of by my family who also blessed me with their love and company so that I was never "on my own" the whole time I was in Oakland. Indeed, it was wonderful to see my daughter and two nieces.

I was not nervous about my exams but was concerned I might fall prey to a headache or brain freeze and necessitate being evaluated at a later time, perhaps many months away, but I did fine, praise God. The three doctors I saw were warm and put me at ease. I was careful to maintain eye contact and indicate I followed their train of thought even when my mind wandered. I also made a point of mentioning anything I could remember that they had talked about.

I recall witnessing to one doctor but am not sure if I even mentioned the Lord to the other two. Oh well, God will see that they hear about Jesus from someone. I used to worry that I might miss sharing the Gospel with someone God brought across my path, but now I just trust Him. He knows my mouth is willing as is my heart, and He also knows my brain is leaky.

These exams should wrap up my Workmen's comp case... at least, I hope so. Whatever these doctors decide about my employability will determine any benefits I am eligible for. I don't know how long it takes after their report, but it should all be over by the end of the year, I imagine.

I am down to 171 pounds and so glad I didn't gain weight while away and unable to eat my NutriSystem food. I was careful about my food choices except for one outing to The New Zealander Cafe with Stephanie and Pam where I ate the "Aucklander 3AM White Lady Sandwich," which is a huge hamburger, beets, fried egg, onion, cheese and other stuff I can't recall all piled on a giant bun. The thing is at least six inches tall! We also ate an ethnic dessert made of meringue and cream and garnished with fresh fruit. Delightful!!

Lawyers & Doctors

I goofed again. My lawyers office sent me an email a while back and I guess I started to read it and got side tracked. Richard found and read it and it says they (Workman's comp lawyers) have downloaded all my web pages and blogs. It also says a lot of other stuff about the "case."

Richard thinks some of that is intrusive. I don't care. I have nothing to hide. I don't claim to be sitting all day drooling on my shirt. I've had a brain injury and it messes with a lot of my life, but I can still talk, and if I can talk, I can write using iListen. I haven't done web design since I got hurt, but I can blog with http://blogger.com or use FrontPage to make changes in my existing personal sites.

I am thankful for my lawyer, but I wish we could just all work things out in simple terms. Reading the email containing copies of the lawyers on both sides talking about the expense money for this trip and the reviewing of all my web stuff just makes it seem so adversarial. Well, says Richard, it unfortunately is. How sad.

Meanwhile, dear friends and family I ask your prayers for a safe and pleasant trip and that I don't flood or get any headaches. It is really important that I don't mess up these appointments. If I got a bad headache I would not be able to function enough for the testing. If I flooded or went "fish brain" as Dr. Schutz calls it, they would for sure think I was trying to act worse off than I am. When that happens, it is only temporary, but these guys wouldn't know that. I want an honest evaluation... but I am not worried. God is in control, and He has a reason why all this is happening.

I will have family with me the whole time until I get on the plane home. Niece Pam helped me find a nice hotel and so all arrangements are set. It will be exciting to see how God might use me during this whole experience. Do pray that I may be a living witness for my Savior during every moment.

I'm not taking my computer, so will not be posting until I get back. I see doctors Monday and Tuesday then fly home Wednesday. Hopefully, I'll post on Thursday.

Doctors & Bibles

I finally have all the arrangements made for my trip to California to see two doctors arranged for by the Workmen's Comp lawyers and my lawyer. They made the flight arrangements but I needed to get a hotel and rides, etc.

My niece Pam will pick me up at the airport and niece Donna will stay at the hotel with me. Oldest daughter Stephanie will come over to see me Sunday afternoon. It will be wonderful to see them all again. I continue in prayer that my cold will be gone before I see them or the doctors.

Each of these doctors had sent me a long questionnaire, very detailed. I've been working on them for about a month and I am still unsure if I have everything right. I had trouble understanding what some of the questions wanted, and could not remember all the details they wanted about my life. I can't imagine why they need all that anyway.

The thing I most dread is the airport. I don't do well in environments like that. My brain becomes overcrowded and I can't think. I do have a strategy. I ask for a wheelchair. When they bring it, they push you where you need to go. That way, I don't have to know anything or worry about being lost, forgetting where I'm going, etc. Even so, I hope this is the last trip I have to make on a plane.

I will also be glad when my "case" is over with. I am not a good client for my lawyer. I always talk too much as I did in my deposition. I don't really know why that is a problem (other than boring folks to death) but I'd rather not have to think about legal issues anyway.

Oh, I went back to the Christian bookstore a few days ago and picked up another "Inductive Study Bible" like the one I lost with wide margins for notes, etc. only this one isn't NIV (that was not available) it is NAS.

This a literal translation, whereas NIV is a direct translation but not word for word. I feel the NIV is more readable and many ways more accurate because word for word doesn't always work smoothly and retain the original thought. But, of course many will disagree. The important thing is not so much the version (although I am not a fan of paraphrase versions), the vital thing is the Word of God. The Holy Spirit will teach each genuine seeker individually.

But I am very excited about my new Bible... now I have three new Bibles. Works for me!

Nasty Bug

I've had a nasty bug the past few days, but folks must be praying (besides me) because I am feeling better this evening. I want to be completely over this before I go to California for my Workmen's Comp evaluations because I want to do well and don't want to pass my malady on to anyone else.

I've slept a lot but have also done some reading, the Left Behind series. I started it some years back but got side tracked and could not recall where I left off, so I began again at the beginning. I am so amazed at the number of copies sold. These are overtly evangelical novels with an apocalyptic theme, yet like the film The Passion of the Christ, they have become record breakers. God's Gospel message is ever more far reaching. I continue to pray for those who hear that message to yield to the leading of the Holy Spirit so they may become personally aware of how deeply precious they are to the Lord and develop an intimate relationship with Him.

On another note, Richard took the car in to the Mitsubishi dealer for it's 120,000 mile service today. They were kind enough to bring him home and then to come get him when the car was done. The service was expensive, over $1,000, but included almost everything you could think of. We've always been picky about maintenance and our vehicles have usually served us long and well.

Well, it is late and I am still pretty sick, so off to bed I go.

Catching Up Again

It was so good to be on an outing! I had dinner at Seasons 52 with two friends from Giveback last Thursday. We ate on the patio where it is quiet, and after a lovely meal and great visit, drove on over to the meeting. One of my friends is returning to England tomorrow but will be back in the states in six or seven months. The other lady is my therapy partner, but we haven't worked together in a while because I had too much going on.

As I've said before, Giveback is a self-help group for brain injured folks, and I find it has offered me new hope. Recoverers work together and learn from one another and the professionals who donate their time to guide and teach. There is never any cost in money, but we are expected to make a dedicated effort to do our homework and put ourselves into meeting goals.

I don't remember Friday. I really do need to be posting every day. That is one of my Giveback goals! My family and friends who read these posts feel let down, too, because I say I'll write and am not steady with it. I'm praying about that. I need to try writing earlier in the day so I am not too tired to take it on. Most folks write their blogs quickly, sometimes it takes me a long time with breaks in between. It has taken as long as six hours (not all in one witting) but that's no real excuse. I could just write a shorter one.

My brother went to the coast to see a friend. He left yesterday and will come back tomorrow. He called and seems to be doing well.

Richard took me to dinner last night at Wolfgang Puck's. I was good... mostly. I had a spinach salad with salmon, very much right on my diet. But then dessert beckoned and I fell to the temptation. Oh well, I can't truly say I'm sorry.

I missed church today. In fact it is evening and I am still in my night gown. I have a sore throat and ear ache. I'm praying it goes away quickly. I must be well by next Sunday when I fly to California for medical exams for my Workmen's Comp case.

I don't know if these are doctors for the insurance company or if these are ones both sides agree on. Nita or Cecilia at my lawyers office told me once, or maybe Mr. Marcus did... I don't know, but either way, I leave Sunday and come back Wednesday. I'll be going to Oakland but doubt I get a chance to get to Galt.

I forgot to get a motel but will send it out when I do. I would love to see dear friends and kin but can't wear myself down too much. I want to do well on my tests and remember all that happens.

There is still no word of my lost Bible, but I am enjoying having the feather duster back.

Bible Shopping

I spent a lot of today looking for a Bible. Our bookshelves already hold several Bibles in different versions and of various ages, but I was looking for a Bible I will USE, study, jot notes in and generally wear out. I was seeking a Bible to become intimate with, one where I can find maps and charts, etc. with the ease born of repeated use; one that will soon fall open to my favorite passages.

My Bible needs to have print large enough to read comfortably, a lot of white space for my notes, a good binding that will stand up to lots of wear... and it must be NIV. I prefer NIV because I trust the validity of the translation and the method used to produce it. I love King James for the beauty of the language and because so many of my memorized verses are from that version, but for accuracy in today's language, I am an NIV fan.

The Bible I lost is no longer in print, so I bought two NIV Bibles, one featuring archaeological and cultural info and one with pastoral helps in the back. I also bought the entire Left Behind series, something I had intended to do some time ago. I have read some of the books, but never finished the series. I am going to start over.

Richard, Donnie and I played cards this evening. I so enjoy when Donnie joins us in the house. I lost both games, but I usually lose, anyway. I still enjoy playing.

Lost & Found

We had a lovely Easter. Because Richard had to go to work early in the afternoon, we went to a new church with a different meeting time. The music was wonderful, the sermon right on and the people friendly... but most important of all the Spirit of God was in that place.

What a blessing to celebrate the Lord's resurrection with others of like mind and heart. It is so good to be part of the family of God!

As we were getting ready to leave for church, I remembered something I forgot to bring (I don't now recall what) so put my Bible on the roof of the car and ran back into the house. When we got to church I realized the Bible was not with me. After we got home, Richard left for work and I drove back to the church searching for my Bible all along the way. Nothing.

I will miss that Bible. I've written notes in it for several years now and I refer to them often. Also, it had large enough print to read with ease and enough margin space for me to write lots of notes. It was just full of great illustrations and charts, too. Finding another one like it will not be easy since I don't remember it's title or publisher. All I know is that is was NIV.

I am praying for the return of my Bible OR that it be found by someone who will read it and perhaps gain some insight from my notes which the Lord inspired. I know God will put a good outcome to the loss of my Bible.

On the other hand, my Mac is now healthy again. I finally had to erase the hard drive and was able to use my backup to restore everything just fine, not one piece of data lost (that I know of, anyway). Praise God! He is so absolutely cool!

AND I found my long lost feather duster! How about that?! I can't explain this, but it was in the filing cabinet, of all places. I'm truly glad to have it back because Wal-Mart didn't have any like it. This is one of those big brown ones with long, luxuriant feathers... Looks good enough to wear, ha ha. But I am so pleased to have it back and happy the mystery is solved.

Well, I'd better get some sleep. Tomorrow, I need to be well rested as I try to do the taxes. At least, thanks to answered prayer, I won't need to take the Mac to be repaired.

Mac Oops!

I was planning to do our income tax today. I loaded the software and it immediately told me there were updates, so I downloaded them and began to install... at that point there was an OOPS!

After using the disc repair utility and doing everything else I knew to do, I was still getting nowhere I wanted to be. Finally, I bought and downloaded a new copy of DiskWarrior which is the industry standard for repairing Mac directories, files, etc. I ran the Warrior expecting it to vanquish bad bytes and whip my directories into tip top shape.

Sad story. The disk defeated the Warrior. I got the message that the corrected directory could not replace the old one because of a disk error. Bummer! Then I got the detailed report which said there were so many errors, the disk could not be repaired, period.

Well, I gave up and decided to take the thing into an Apple store Monday. I'm working on my laptop PC now, but I don't have tax software for it and all my files and data are on the Mac. Again, I say, BUMMER!

I prayed for my Mac and my brother didn't think God would be interested in something I could tend to myself albeit through a repair technician. I, of course, know better. God has heard and answered my prayers about all sorts of trivial stuff... including computer repair.

So, I covet your prayers for my Mac.

Also, pray for Baby Snooks, our bulldog who is missing Higgins and looks for him all over the house and yard. She goes out often and circles the house hoping to see her old friend of many years. I, too, forget he's gone and expect to see him. I find myself looking in his favorite sleeping spots to see if he's all right.

Well, I need to search for a church with earlier services tomorrow so Richard can attend because he has to leave for work before New Community lets out. So, we'll probably attend the Rock church tomorrow.

HAPPY EASTER!

Goodbye, Higgins

Our friend Higgins died this morning. He went to my brother's bed - a low futon - and licked his hand then lay down. A few moments later, Donnie started to get up and reached down to have Higgie move a bit, but the little bulldog did not respond.

Higgie's last act was one of love. Always a sweet and gentle companion and so tolerant of everything. I had taken him to the vet yesterday where he patiently endured the rectal thermometer, blood tests, x-rays and IV fluids.

He has been failing over time and the tests and x-rays confirmed what we already suspected... cancer, lots of it. Additionally, he had developed pneumonia. As much as I hurt right now, I am thankful God chose to let him go before there was much pain. I have seen animals and people die of metastatic cancer, and I wouldn't want Higgins to go through that.

This has been quite a week. Tuesday night, I was admitted to the hospital with stroke-like symptoms that gradually subsided over the next 24 hours. After a day in the "Cardiovascular Decision Unit" and with all sorts of tests performed (all negative) I was seen by two doctors but still had no answers. Indeed, this morning at a followup visit with my doctor, I was told that I have great blood flow to and through my brain. Dr. Link thinks the episode was related to my brain injury and that similar symptoms could recur in the future... or may never happen again. Nonetheless, I have been referred to a neurologist for an EEG and consult.

All that is fine, I just hope that this does not lead to a tussle between the workmen's comp carrier and my health insurance because it seems no one really can be sure... Well, not quite "no one," God is sure and He will work it all together for good as is promised in Romans 8:28-29.

Today, after my doctor's visit, I have been doing laundy and quietly grieving the loss of a good friend and faithful companion. Higgins would have been 15 next week.

Monday, Monday

Pool aerobics began this morning and even though the sign said the water was 82 degrees, I am sure it was closer to freezing. Nevertheless, I dutifully went through the exercise routine in spite of cramps in the great toes of both feet. I like the ladies in our group, so I will stick with it as long as the water stays above 80 degrees.

Tomorrow, our pool group is going out to breakfast. Makes sense to me... one day of pool aerobics, the next day it's culinary exercise. I am still on my NutriSystem diet and will follow their dining out guidelines, but these are sweet ladies I enjoy and I will remain a member of our monthly breakfast and lunch dining group.

I am studying 2Peter just now and today, I worked on chapter two. There is SO much there to dig into. I am enjoying spending more time in the Word and in prayer. I had gotten out of my routine (if you could ever call it that) while I was away so long and as I struggled to take care of all that had fallen behind.

The truth is, if I wait until I have time for the Lord, I will never have deep encounters with Him. Oh sure, I talk to and with Him all through the day, but my time in scripture and deeper prayer can be usurped by so many, many things! If for no other reason, I depend on my planner to make and keep appointments with God. I wish I could tell you I use my planner daily, but I go in spurts and am derailed SO easily!

My house looks tidy but needs dusting, vacuuming and a good scrub down. The taxes remain undone and I have not yet gathered the papers I need, although I pretty much put them all in the same place as they came in. I have a stack of mail to answer, a birthday gift to send, some more bills to pay, etc., etc., etc.

But I am in my groove as Dr. Schutz has suggested, so I took a nap this afternoon and Richard and I went to the pool and hot tub after dinner. I'll clean Wednesday, do taxes someday soon and write cards and letters in bits of time that will appear on my horizon in a day or so, haha.

We got a beautiful card and letter today from our son Scott who is in prison in Colorado. I do so pray that his words express his heart. Like so many others, and like he did during a previous incarceration, Scott has chosen to walk with the Lord as he serves his time. Sometimes prison conversions are genuine and sometimes they are a means of coping with a bad situation.

Only God knows the heart. I choose to believe Scott's words are sincere as he expresses his faith, Richard is skeptical especially with Scott's history and the fact he does not seem to realize his choices have again led him and his family down the road of pain they all now travel. But Jesus is God of all who will come to Him and can perform miracles even after countless "false starts." I choose to believe my son has been washed in the blood of the Lamb... and I rejoice.

Bored?

A quiet and pleasant Sunday at home, except for church, of course. Richard didn't have to go in until afternoon so was able to come to church, too. The major downside of his job is that he usually has to work Sunday mornings and he cannot just take off any time he wants. It felt good to have him there beside me in church again.

I strayed from my diet the last two days. I'm blaming it on my brother's excellent beans. Today, I am behaving myself again. I am certainly getting plenty to eat under the NutriSystem plan and I am not hungry. The issue isn't so much hunger, but appetite. I also realize that a lot of times I want to eat out of boredom, although I really don't ever recall being bored in the traditional sense.

Even as a child, I was not bored. I made up stories in my head, I made up games and puzzles, I enjoyed watching people, animals, everything around. I thought about God, but in unconventional ways. I still do.

I enjoyed life. I still do.

I don't think I could ever be truly bored. Just being alive is too interesting. I love the adventure of it... there is drama and humor in each day. For example, the other day I was dusting and lost my feather duster. Poof! Gone. We have all looked for it in every place we can think of including the freezer -- where by the way I once found my undergarments -- but no feathered duster can we spy. We looked in the shed, even the car and pickup. Nothing. Don't you just love a mystery?

Tomorrow, I'll buy another feather duster, and one day in the future the old one will reappear as if by magic, and it will be fun to learn where it has hidden itself all this time.

In an earlier post I had said I would be filling some of my missing entries, reconstructing from memory, notes and my planner. Since my blog/journal is posted in several places and not all of them have easy links to older entries, I will only be posting missing days on my own site, http://ionanet.com/blog/ionasblog.htm and on my LiveJournal site, http://ionaruth.livejournal.com/ You'll need to look in the February and Match, 2007 archives.

I almost forgot to share that I had a great thrill yesterday evening when Richard brought in the mail. I never remember to get the mail, so I don't see it until he gets home. Anyway.... We had four letters from grandkids! FOUR!!!!!!!!! That is more than wonderful. I have trouble understanding folks on the phone and when they try to help by talking louder, it is only worse. So letters are the greatest, plus you can keep them and read them over and over.

Okay, so now I am off to work on those missing entries.