Introspection

I am peacefully tired from playing - see log below - and sometimes when I feel thus, I get introspective. Tonight is such a time. I wonder when I became so much like my mother. I never thought I would be, you know. I was always outgoing and outspoken, she the quiet, reserved one, the people pleaser.

But lessons are learned over time, and as years passed, I began to realize that although unintended, my bluntness was sometimes hurtful to others. Then, there was a brain injury. Next an angry, accusatory letter from someone I loved deeply... Is that how she saw me? Is that how I really was? Deeply wounded, yet unable to respond, I withdrew, assuming the charges to be true. I had not realized it at the time, but my full speed ahead approach to life had taken its toll on others whose needs I sometimes did not see.

Then another brain injury and with it some disinhibition. My mouth was often open when my ears should have been. I opften broke promises because I forgot I made them. I overcommitted and let people down then tried to overcompensate. Gradually, I was becoming a people pleaser and even more tragically, one whose self image was garnered through the imagined opines of others. God graciously granted a degree of healing that allowed me to go to work in a very demanding and social environment at Wal-Mart, thus reversing much of the damage, at least with folks outside my immediate family.

Another brain injury removed me from the workplace and sent me over the edge. I couldn't keep track of conversations, partly due to distraction, partly due to hearing loss. My memory was full of holes and confusion prevailed much of the time. I perceived people as being condescending, and much of the time it was true. Worst of all, when flustered, I "flooded" meaning my brain did not process information well, was in a quagmire of tar or molasses. I kept mostly to myself for a while, but that has never really been "me."

With much therapy and prayer, I began to involve myself again with people and responsibilities. God was gracious and provided opportunities for me to volunteer at church and to mingle socially, but I struggled, still do. I too often found myself longing to be who I once was, which is impossible and thus not a good goal.

Now, taking an objective look at myself (I ask God daily to help me see me as He sees me) I begin to see that God had a purpose in the three brain injuries as He did in allowing me a glimpse at a family member's resentment toward me. I have asked her and others to forgive me and it's time to drop it. I see that I have valuable opinions and insights to offer, and if they are not wanted, it does not make them or me worthless. With God's help, I am working on being more comfortable with my damaged brain, even if some folks may not share that comfort.

I love people. I love to serve. It brings me joy. What I need to do is learn to serve with my mouth shut! That might bring others joy, ;-)

And my day was like this...

• 10:14 Slept until almost 9. Tia and Richard using MySpace IM. Tia will be here next week. 
  
• 12:26 Finished Dean Koontz' Dark Rivers of the Heart (1994) A political thriller, all too real! 
  
• 13:14 Laundry finished. Omelets for lunch. Heading off to Disney to enjoy B.J. Thomas in concert.
  
• 20:25 Loved B.J. Thomas and the Flower & Garden show at Epcot. Ate funnel cake & ice cream, played with butterflies. Saw a friend from Peru.
  

Monday Digest

And my day was like this...
• 11:14 My TwitBin is not working either.
• 11:15 Slept late, still feverish. Didn't go to Women's Bible Study this morning.
• 11:38 TwitBin is back, so I have no option than to clean the kitchen.
• 11:40 @cybrgrl Sorry about the tomato soup colored chin. Ouch!
• 13:19 @cybrgrl LOL, quite a difference. The chin works for him, not so sure it has the same effect on you. Hope it's back to normal soon.
• 13:21 Dinner. Baked fish, Baked potatoes, corn. Must be nap time now. Supper will be cereal or something equally lazy.
• 17:02 We went to post office, bank, Burger King (milkshake time!) Now trying to operate DVD player. A challenge, we're from another era.
• 17:37 DVD is running but we have no control. Not unusual, come to think of it.
• 19:33 Son Scott called. He is a groundskeeper now. I am reading again.

Lazy Sunday

I am continually impressed and inspired by Pastor Mike's sermons at The Vine Church. I always come away blessed and with insights for growing ever closer to and more dependent on my Savior.

I shopped after church. We needed basics like bread and milk. I was tired in a lazy, good sort of way and didn't do much of anything all day. Now I am running a fever, but don't feel too bad. To be on the safe side, I didn't go to Bible Study tonight.

Crystal, Ronnie and I went to the Holy Land Experience yesterday. We were there all day and all of us enjoyed it. I was able to spend more time visiting with them, getting to know him and feeling more comfortable about him.  One of my concerns is that it is so soon after her first marriage failed.  I would like to see her wait and give herself time to discover herself as a woman apart from a relationship. She married young. I've walked that path. But we all must make our own way... The good thing is she is truly a child of God. 

As you notice, I am posting a mini log using http://twitter.com which helps me keep track of my day. It's a handy tool for anyone but really great for TBI recoverers... a fun and quick way to keep track of your day.

And my day was like this...

•  22:54 A day at the Holy Land, dinner at Athena's... I'm home now, tired but happy! 
  
•  08:42 Ready for church early today. Rare. Athena talked herself into taking crystal to the airport;-) 
  
•  13:40 I went grocery shopping after church and now am hungry. I want a bite of everything I bought.:-o 
  
•  14:31 Baking cookies for Richard. I'd better have lunch or he will not have many cookies. 
  
•  18:24 Homemade pizza with 4 cheeses and special pepperoni. Sure hope I can chew it.
  

 

Twitter Digest

And my day was like this...

• 22:43 Had a nice visit with Athena. Blogs all done and I must be up early. 
• 06:02 Called Crystal to change plans. I'm not coming at 7; too long for Snooks to be locked in the house. 
• 06:24 Going back to bed. Only slept 4 hours. 
• 09:41 Sasha called, they close on the house today. Yay! I am leaving to get Crystal & Ronnie for our day at Disney. Double Yay!! 
• 14:47 Got Crystal & Ronnie, met Athena at Crackerbarrel 
• 14:48 Went to Disney, had last year's guest pass, am now home getting 2008 version.

Praises!

This will be short because I got hold of some funky food and am SICK! But I have a wonderful praise report... many, actually.

First, Crystal is here and we had a wonderful time together for two days (not today) and will see each other again tomorrow.

Next, Athena will be spending the night here tonight. Yay!

Finally, yes, finally, we sold our house in Kissimmee. It came down just as I prayed... win - win. Good for both parties. Answer to prayer for both of us. It was a dear friend and her dad, perfect! Funny, I got another offer this morning! Just God letting me see His abundance!

Tomorrow we'll be at Disney and Saturday at the Holy land Experience so I may not write.

Losing It

It was a full day! First thing this morning we loaded up Baby Snooks and headed to the vet's office where she was to be bathed, have her ears and tail pocket cleaned, toenails clipped and Cowper's glands emptied. She abhors some of these procedures, but in typical bulldog fashion, loves the people and attention.

When we arrived, she was writhing in ecstasy as she wiggle walked as fast as she could to the entrance. Inside, her doggy dreams came true as everyone in the office made over her before they led her off for her canine ablutions. Snooks was definitely in need of a session at the doggy day spa. We usually take her in once a month and this time it had been six weeks and she had become a stinker.

We had some time to kill before heading from Kissimmee to Lakeland for my dental appointment at 10:30, so we went to IHOP and enjoyed the Senior Omelet and Pancakes. It was something I could eat and I was hungry. My new dentures did not fit well and the bite forced my jaw to one side. Wearing those teeth was downright painful, and chewing almost impossible, so these soft foods were ideal, if not for my waistline, at least for my comfort level.

At the dentist's office I tried to explain my situation to the technician. I didn't need anything ground down, the problem was with how the upper and lower plate related to each other not how they fit in my mouth, except that the teeth were crooked. Nonetheless, she ground and sanded and made the fit looser. She was creating a worse problem than I came in with and, in spite of my repeated pleas to not grind any more, each time she took the teeth out of the room she repeated the action that already was not working. In frustration, I stood up from the chair and grasped her by the wrists and she finally looked at me. I said, "I need you to hear me on this!" and repeated what I had been trying to tell her, adding that I DID NOT WANT HER TO GRIND ANY MORE FROM THE DENTURES!

With a look of horror, she left and did not return, probably fearing I was about to become violent. Finally, the dentist himself came in and was able to comprehend what I was saying. He agreed that the problem had been compounded by the technician. (I suspect she only knew one way to adjust the denture.) At last, I left with wearable dentures, although they are still not centered or straight. That will require the plates to be completely remade. But these will work while I have company here and other things I need to deal with.

Again, we had time on our hands so went to Fresh Harvest, our favorite buffet. Although my mouth was still sore and will be for a while as it heals, to my delight, I was able to eat pizza, a spring roll, fried chicken and other chewable foods without sending myself into orbit with the pain.

Baby Snooks was completely worn out by the time we picked her up. She slept all the way to our Kissimmee house where we stopped to water the plants and put out the bags of leaves for the trash man. Terry must have already taken the leaves out because they were gone. Snooks got out and did her thing then slept all the way home.

Like our sweet old dog, we were pooped by the time we got home and really did nothing all evening. I need to prepare my lesson for tomorrow, then it's off to bed with me. I was surprised at myself for sort of losing it with the dental technician.

Romance!

Crystal is in town! She was here this time last year for a Nat'l Guard finance conference and has returned for the same thing, apparently an annual affair. She was finished for the day by four, so we spent this afternoon and evening with her. She will be here through Sunday, and Ronnie, her fiance will come Thursday. We haven't met him yet and are anxious to get to know him. In fact, Crystal tells us one of the reasons he is making the trip is to fulfill the formal "meet the parents" ritual. I like that!

We both feel it is important that Crystal marry a believer because she is a woman of faith and that is one of God's instructions to His children. Of course, we are concerned, as we have been with all our children's spouses, that he be good to and for her and the children. We have been praying about their relationship since we heard about Ronnie.

It seems as if we have a wedding every year, and each time we spend much time before the Lord talking with Him about the couple and the children and our hopes and dreams for them all... Mostly we pray they will be drawn to a closer walk with Jesus because that, more than any other thing, will lead to a strong and successful family bond between every member. And, of course, that has eternal consequences, everlasting rewards.

Back to many weddings... In the summer of 2005, Richard and I renewed our vows after 30 years. Cynthia wed Robert that October and two days later, Megan and Cory recited their vows. Kim and Steve were wed in June, 2006, the month we moved here. Tami and Troy were married last August. Then later in that month, Daisy and Louis became one. We are a very romantic family!

I am thrilled to be spending some time with our daughters. Everybody is busy tomorrow and we have some appointments, too. Wednesday, Crystal is coming with me to Bible Study while Richard picks up Athena, then we are all going to Sea World. Richard and I have not been there since we moved here. Well, he has never been there and I was last there in the 1070's. Folks are busy again on Thursday, but Athena will spend Thursday night here so she can head out early Friday morning for St. Petersburg where she is a presenter at a college Library conference. Crystal and Ronnie will join us for fun at Disney World on Friday, then spend quality time with us at the Holy Land Experience on the Sabbath. That has special significance for Ronnie who is a Messianic Jew.

As you see, it will be a busy week! No book entries unless the words flow without the usual struggle I have putting text on the page. All in God's good time!

Play Ball!

I was at an Extraordinary Women conference Friday evening and all day Saturday. It was Extraordinary indeed! One of the speakers was Thelma Wells who just last February retired from The Women of Faith. I'm so glad she is continuing her speaking ministry. Charles Billingsley was music man extraordinaire!

Perhaps the best thing was spending time with some wonderful ladies. I met two dear women from SoliVita who rode in the same car as I did. I hope to see them again.

We had a wild and wonderful time in church today. Danny pitched some fast balls... literally! It was cool. You will just have to check out our sermon sound tracks to figure out how the Gospel gets preached amid flying salami (on a previous Sunday) and playing ball in the sanctuary. Check it out! I just love it!

Crystal arrives tomorrow and I have absolutely not done real housework in almost... hmmmm, I don't know. I'll vacuum tomorrow, and write more on the book. Tonight I am resting up after I beat Richard in a few games of canasta on http://pogo.com .

Good Goo

"I think the macaroni salad is bad, " Richard said pulling his fork in and out of his food. "See, doesn't that look like slime to you?" he said. I came in for a closer look. I had just finished some of the best macaroni salad I had ever made and it tasted fine to me, but he was right, it looked like tiny strings of goo were in the food. Then I examined more closely and discovered it was the asparagus which had more or less disintegrated during the mixing of ingredients and adding of Ranch dressing. It did look bad.

So no more canned asparagus in my macaroni salad. Oh, you wonder why it was in there to begin with? Well, I was having so much fun adding foods I love to the mix, I just couldn't resist. This macaroni salad is like no other: Elbow macaroni; bacon, drained and crumbled; leeks sauteed with the bacon; capers; hard boiled eggs; sharp cheddar, shredded; artichoke hearts, cut up; canned asparagus, cut in short pieces; parsley; Mayo; Ranch dressing... season to taste with garlic, salt and pepper. But, I admit, the asparagus makes it look bad, so I'll leave it out in the future, even though I think it's pretty good goo!

I went to the Giveback business meeting tonight. Sasha directed the group. It's delightful to see her go!

Well Blessed

Wednesday, like Sunday is a favorite day for me. I teach a Bible Class in the morning and we have either "Back Yard" or Small Group in the evening. I love being with God's people. Anthony preached tonight and spoke on Church Family. He always does a good job, but this talk was especially meaningful to me.

Our Small Group served the meal tonight and it was wonderful. We used Tom's unbelievably good BBQ chicken -- all drumsticks, ham, green beans, corn - all left over from our big Easter feed. I had thawed it all in the frig so just had to heat it up. The sides and desserts were provided by our Small Group members and the food lasted through all the people yet we had almost nothing left over except a bit of ham and chicken we sent home with folks.

When we first got to the church there was a lone, out-of-state car there and I figured it was just a weary tourist, but it turned out to be a sweet lady, new to the area, who had visited church Sunday. I had sent her a welcoming email and invited her to Back Yard, and lo there she was. "I came hungry," she said. She was physically and spiritually ready to be filled. Praise God!

Pastor Mike did a cool thing at the beginning of our devotional service. We learned that a member's father was near death's door, so he used his cell phone set to speaker and with the mike, enabled us all to hear and then led us in prayer. They are dear friends, so later, Richard and I went over to see them and drop off some macaroni salad. They had a hospital bed set up in the living room and it brought back memories of when we were caring for Henrietta, a time both painful and fulfilling... a time when I was blessed to know and love my mother-in-law more deeply than ever before.

I am praying for my friend, her father and the whole family. I am praying for my friend Nell, as well. There are others, too, but I ask you to take just a moment and, right now, please join me in seeking God's mercy over these two situations. Thanks... I know our Father will hear and respond in love.

Yesterday, we had to buy more pet beds. When the flea man came, we had taken out all the pet beds and thrown all but one away. The remaining one was still airing out and its cover awaiting laundering, so no critters had beds. Snooks had been acting down, perhaps ill, I thought, ever since the flea man treated the house. It wasn't until we bought her a new bed that we realized she was upset about losing her old ones.

As soon as we placed the new bed in her usual spot next to the sofa, she attacked it and drug it out into the middle of the room where she continued to try to tear it to shreds. I took it from her and placed it in our room where her second bed had been. That made her happy and she promptly made herself comfy in its soft fluffiness. It is sort of hairy like a plush toy.

It wasn't long before Snooks was back in the living room standing where her bed used to be and giving us the evil eye. Callie, the cat had taken over the oversized cat bed we had bought thinking both cats could use it. Jasper tried to join her and was quickly put in his place. We made a second trip to Wal-Mart for two more beds, one for Snooks and one for Jasper. We bought him a bed just like the other cat bed so there would be no bed jealousy.

Now everyone has new beds, so where do we find Callie this afternoon? You guessed it, curled up right in the center of Snooks' living room bed.

Life is full. I am well loved and well blessed. I pray the same for you.

Joy

I exiled the dog and both cats to the garage this morning before Mike came to kill fleas, then I was off to the Vine to clean the children's areas dubbed the Promise Land.

I don't feel safe to serve the children's ministry directly because my brain becomes useless when over-stimulated. I shudder to imagine all the harm I could do while distracted, flooded, or just forgetful. But I do want to serve the little ones. Jesus spoke often about the children, the poor, the widows... anyone who might be vulnerable. Yes, I want to serve Him by serving them!

So, I clean. It makes me feel good. I pray it brings a smile to my Savior's dear face.

Today, as I was wiping down some tiny bright colored plastic chairs, singing gleefully off-key and having a fantastic time, it hit me that I was filled with JOY! A sweet, spiritual high permeated my whole being and I was so amazed and surprised by it, I simply stopped and rocked back on my heels to ponder the sensation, to absorb it more deeply. 

There is no better reward than the pure JOY God can give, and, as for cleaning the Promise Land, I will cling to that honor with all my might. 

Flea Prep

I spent the day cleaning... and cleaning... and cleaning... ad nauseam! I'm getting ready for the flea treatment guy who is coming first thing tomorrow morning.

Our pets are on flea preventative meds and they don't go out of our yard, so we should not have flea problems. But they've been scratching, then I had some bites on my lower leg and ankle, then I actually saw a flea... and a second one just today. Good thing the flea man is on the way!

It's amazing what you need to do to get ready for the treatment. Strip all beds, wash all bedding (ours and the pets'), get everything up off the floor, vacuum, mop, clean and polish furniture, vacuum again - it just goes on and on. I've been at it all day! And that's not the end of it. In ten days we do it all again.

I like to clean, but moving all sorts of heavy furniture and vacuuming twice was a bit much. But there were some real highlights to my day. Daughter Crystal called and we talked for a good, long while. Then I had an online chat with daughter Athena (via gmail chat) and Richard and I had a delightful evening together visiting, building a puzzle, playing games online... in between my cleaning and making a delicious dinner, if I do say so myself. 

I made something up, like I often do, but I don't remember all the details. It had penne pasta with a sauce of cheese (we really love cheesy stuff) ground beef, celery, carrots, tomatoes, onions, garlic (of course! I am almost as big a fan of garlic as Emeril) tomato sauce and spices to taste.

So, this has been another day God has made and I am glad and rejoicing in it big time! Hope yours was even better than this.

Late & Tired

It's late and I'm tired, but that happens all too often and I don't post. Even if it's short, I need to record my day at least.

And a grand day it was. Glorious April in Florida weather, pretty as a tourist ad photo.

I finished Sam's taxes and generally got all my work done in time to go meet Erica for dinner before Giveback. Sasha joined us and we had a leisurely visit before the meeting. During the meal, ever so casually, Sasha asked if I was facilitating the family Workshop tonight. Huh!?

Dr. Schutz had asked if I would do that two months ago, and I was out of town last month and had forgotten all about it. Oops, big time. So, I told her I was not prepared and wasn't sure... Then during the opening session, I learned that yes, I was to facilitate.

Dr. Schutz saved the day and made it work for everyone. At one point silence descended and I had a brain freeze. Everyone was good natured, but they sure deserved a more "professional" job. As I said, Dr. Schutz was a wealth in information as always and there was excellent participation from the members.

But as I said, it's late and I'm tired.

Soggy Sunday

The rains continue delivering more water than can be absorbed by the sandy earth. The "catchment pond" behind our house actually has water in it, a rare condition indeed. I love rain. The roar of a torrential downpour pounding the metal roof of our sun room is a noteworthy thrill for me. I love to sleep to that sound.

The weather was beautiful when I got out of church this morning but the rain was coming down by the time I got home, and a flash flood was threatening as I drove to our 5:00 Bible Study. Attendance was really low. Richard came directly from work so we had two vehicles. The lesson was on Romans and I'm glad we didn't miss it.

The downside of all this precipitation, however, is we have leaks - one in the garage near the furnace vent, the another in the sun room of the Kissimmee house. Also, the gutters over there are full of leaves, pine needles, squirrel nests, or whatever, but they are not draining. Instead the water is running down the wall. Last year we had leaks on the inside near one window. We need to go over and clean gutters tomorrow... if the rain slacks off.

Richard just corrected me. "I'll bet 'WE' don't go up the ladder and clean any gutters," he quipped, and he's so right!

Good, Clean Fun

I truly enjoy Saturday mornings when I go over to clean at the church. Remember when you were younger and you would have a blast cleaning at your friends' houses? Why was helping with chores and washing dishes so fun at their house and no fun at your house?

Well, actually, I have always liked to clean. If I had been a doctor (I wanted to be one once) I would have gone into surgery rather than internal medicine because, like cleaning, you get instant gratification. You can see the improvement right away.

Anyway, I had a fine time this morning. We had a Small Group workers meeting, then, along with others, I got to clean. Someone said, "We don't want you to get burnt out."  My response was to say it would never happen. Then I remembered how Peter had told Jesus he was willing to die with Him, that he would never leave... then on that very same night Peter denied even knowing Christ. 

So I need to change my attitude from one of bold confidence in myself to one of humble reliance on the Master. He's building a mansion for me in Glory, and I love cleaning His house down here... and I pray I will never get burned out on Him. Meanwhile, I'll go one day at a time.

I did some major grocery shopping today. We were out of almost everything! Foolishly, though, I went without my vibrating timer (to keep me focused) and my list. I had made a list, and one day I will see that list again, but today was not the day. So we have lots of onions, potatoes and various other things we already had while many things we needed went unbought. 

But we only live a mile from Publix. It's not 85 miles to the supermarket like it used to be in Colorado, so if I need to go back it isn't a big deal. The only problem with making another grocery run is that I always end up buying more than I went for. In Colorado, I made do with whatever made it home from town with me. I did some really creative cooking in those days.

I have some great news. Our granddaughter who lives in Japan has a cool new job and her employer is sending her to the Orlando area for a conference! So, last month daughter Kim and baby Peyton were in Florida, this month daughter Crystal is coming and next month Tia will be here. It seems that Orlando is a great place to live if you want your busy family members from far away to perhaps get to visit free of charge.

Tomorrow is church, yay!  

Birth Verse

Here's something neat I found. Check out your Birth Verse. Pretty cool!

My Thursdays are devoted to Giveback.

There was quite a crowd at last night's meeting and we had an extended time of socializing after learning from Dr. Schutz and each other. Giveback continues to provide me and other TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) survivors with expert as well as tried and true tools for recovery. Family members and therapists also learn a lot and share insights. This is not a support group but a self therapy roadmap wherein progress useful to all is made at every meeting. The web site has resources including Dr. Schutz's books, free for downloading. In fact, everything about Giveback is free. The only expectation is that as you progress along the road to recovery, you "Give Back" by helping others along the way.

I continued to work on taxes today. I am slow because I make errors when I speed up, plus I need to double check everything. True, we could hire a professional but since tax preparation was always a forte of mine, I cling to that part of the "old" me. One year it cost us over $5,000, but that's not where I want to go just now, so we'll change the subject.

I reread yesterday's book entry this morning and was shocked at the rewriting needing to be done. Well, these are indeed first drafts, completely unedited. The writing is jerky and the reader has to work at the story. It needs instead to flow. That will come. I am having a great time with the project, though, especially remembering how, after she was in her eighties, Mama felt free enough to share many of the details of her life she had kept to herself before.

I can see that the project is going to take a while. I am slow and can't stick to any task for very long at one sitting, so have to take many breaks. There is also the fact that it wear my brain to a nub so I can't really do it two days in a row. I was wiped out today and only worked on taxes for about an hour total. Took two naps.

Grace & Peace - B

B denotes a book entry after the blog.

Yesterday I was honored to sub for Pastor Mike's Bible Study. We began a study of 1 Thessalonians, and we talked of "GRACE AND PEACE," so huge a deal that it is found in 17 of the 27 New Testament books. We also discussed "Election," - not the political one, but the spiritual one, the God's prerogative one - and how that fits with the free agency (will) of man and the absolute love and equity of God. All these concepts are found in scripture, and all are true... but that isn't today's topic.

Last night we went to "back yard" at the Vine and Mike, teaching from Philippians, spoke on "GRACE AND PEACE." God put that one together because neither of us talked of coordinating our topics at all! Obviously, our Lord wanted us to dig deeper into those words, seek all they imply and apply them to our lives and dealings with all others, not just those we "accept." 

Then last night, I received a phone call from my precious friend Carol. We were able, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to come to some terms and truths for saying "no" to someone while genuinely extending to them "GRACE AND PEACE." 

The lesson hits home for me. I have received unmerited favor and enjoy a peace surpassing understanding (although now and then, I walk out of it into worry) and my part must be to extend grace and peace to others. What a daunting yet infinitely rewarding task! 

______________________________________

"GRACE AND PEACE."

Mama must have had a better than average grip on Paul's biblical salutation of "grace and peace." Within a 24 hour period, her life was transformed from the serenity of pampered solitude wherein one each day was much like the next, to a chaotic existence in which she might be awakened at any hour and whisked off to some unknown place or immersed in adventures beyond her previous imaginings. 

Her wedding day held the first of many unexpected and somewhat disturbing surprises. Daddy had made no arrangements for post-nuptial accommodations, not even an evening meal, so he took his new bride to his sister's house which had barely enough food and room for the occupants. 

"Edgar, you didn't!" exclaimed Ethel, her eyes wide with shock at hearing the news of his wedding, especially to this well dressed lady on his arm, a thin, wan woman who looked scared to death. She certainly didn't look like his type. Anita had been bold and spicy, not to mention her flashy taste in clothes, booze and parties. 

"Come in out of the storm," Ethel gently removed Mama's arm and led her inside, leaving Daddy standing on the porch. He closed the door behind them and stayed outside long enough to get well snow covered, then banged loudly and rapidly on the weathered door, feigning anger.

Mama jerked her head and stared anxiously at the door wondering if she had married a violent man and trembling with anxiety at her precarious situation. 

Ethel made no move to answer the door and the insistent hammering was now accompanied by a string of booming expletives. "He'll come in when he gets cold enough," Ethel grinned and winked at Mama.

Mama, her lips in a thin, white line, didn't wink back. She sat ramrod straight on the worn sofa and forced her gaze away from the door. A homey handmade quilt draped over a wooden rocker became her focus as she tried to quell the tremor in her tummy. Not fluttering butterflies as the old saying went. No. Her tummy felt full of bats beating their fearsome wings at a frantic pace, threatening to destroy her. Dread wove a dark tapestry of worry through her soul, and her brow glistened with a cold film of perspiration.

Wham! The door burst open as if it had been rammed in by a police raid. "Ahah! Just as I thought," shouted the snow clad specter stomping in and looming over them accusingly. 

By now Thelma was light-headed with fear, almost to the point of tears.

Then Daddy roared with laughter and yelled, "Hey Jess, the %$*&*# women are in here plotting against us!" More uproarious guffaws. "You better come see my new old lady. She's got real class." And, more softly to Ethel, "What's for supper, Sis? And where do you want us to sleep?"

"Now, stop right there, Ed. You take your bride to a nice restaurant, the best you can buy, and you get your own place. This is no place to be on your wedding day."

Ethel continued to scold Edgar and he was arguing just for the fun of it all. Thelma tried to turn her mind in other directions. She willed the tears welling in her eyes not to fall, but they slipped over their tiny eyelid dams and rolled unhampered down her cheeks, following the jaw line to the point of her delicate chin where they dripped ever more rapidly onto the tightly folded hands in her lap. 

No one noticed. 

They had left the room and were all in the kitchen where the discussion began to grow heated, the argument no longer for sport. Thelma tried not to listen but she was sure that even people in the next block could hear. Her new husband pointed out he had no job and no money and had been sleeping in his car and hanging out in pool rooms to stay warm. He said he daily made friends with folks who would buy him lunch or dinner. But now he had a wife who didn't work like Anita had, so he needed some help, if not for him, at least for the sweet and refined lady on the sofa.

The answer was still no.

He must have spent his last dime on the movie and the wedding, thought Mama. She prayed, "Lord, deliver me! I have made a vow before You to cleave to this man no matter what, and this is the worst "what" I can imagine. I have married a wild bull of a man more frightening than my father! He is my husband, but I don't know him, and I am afraid - of him. I don't know how to be a wife to him, to anyone, so teach me, Lord. Grant me the grace to just love him as he is and win him to You with a gentle, quiet spirit. Help me not to complain but instead give me strength like never before. I won't try to change him, but You can! Please, oh please do!!!"

The fracas in the kitchen grew more intense, but Mama felt a whispering of peace and now found her mind wandering back over the memories of Daddy's intimate letters, his tenderness to her all through this day, the almost reverent way he treated her, like something very priceless, irreplaceable. She began to sense the slightest vapor of faith that he would shelter her always, but perhaps not in conventional ways.  

The bats in her tummy turned to harmless butterflies. She unknotted her soaked fingers and wiped her chin of tears, then, unbelievably, Mama looked toward the kitchen and smiled. It was a barely discernible upward turning of the lips, very timid, nonetheless a smile after all. Grace and peace enough for this moment.

Two hours later, the newlyweds were back in Daddy's black Buick, well fed on pinto beans, biscuits and bread pudding. The snow had stopped and the temperature had dropped. Daddy bought gas with the money Jess had given him, keeping the money from Ethel in his wallet. He knew Sis and Jess didn't have much, but at least they both had jobs... And he planned to repay them "when his ship came in."

Mama wondered where they would spend the night but was just as happy to drive around the city as Daddy gave her the grand tour. She didn't know he was waiting for the hour to grow late so he could perhaps talk some hotel clerk out of a free room. And talk he did.

Armed with their wedding certificate, Daddy left Mama in the car and gave a hard luck story about a lost wallet to several prospective marks in the better hotels. No luck at the Brown Palace, but  he finally scored well and they had the bridal suite at a posh downtown hotel. Sadly, I've forgotten which one.

Mama couldn't believe her ears the next morning when Daddy told her he wanted her to stay with Ethel while he got a job and made enough to get them their own place, but praying for grace and peace, she said nothing. 

Over the next several months, Daddy left Mama with various of his siblings and cousins while we went off to work in the mines of Colorado's mountains. He had grand ideas of making big money. No one believed any of them, not even Mama, but Daddy's optimism and confidence never flagged.

Somehow, against all odds, Daddy founded and operated a thriving trucking company within a year. The Denver - Climax Trucking Company ran the treacherous roads between those two locales without competition. He later sold the company and bought a house just before I was born. The company, which was still in existence in 1973, is listed in an online industry report.

As soon as money was coming in, Daddy rented a place in Denver and modestly furnished it. He was gone most of the time working, managing, driving and hanging out in bars. 

Daddy didn't drink anything alcoholic but loved the bar scene. No one gave him a hard time about being a Teetotaler , though. He was large and loud and loved everyone. He thought of life as a grand adventure and had more stories with each new day, many of them embellished with his unique brand of humor, irony and wit. He never had to pay for his snacks and sodas. If the patrons didn't treat him, the bartenders would. He was good for their business.

Mama was accustomed to being alone but worried about her marriage, the safety of her man and her health which was not reacting well with the high altitude of the Mile High City. Her tendency to fret, however was less than it had been and was tempered by her blossoming love for this "Larger Than Life" man who continued to treat her as a rare treasure. Still she wondered when the roaring, cursing ruffian he seemed to be with others might show up in her bedroom. She continued to pray for grace and peace.

The Lord sent her nausea and amazing news.

George

My friend George had brain surgery in Birmingham yesterday. It could well have gone badly but prayers were answered big time and George is doing well. He will move from ICU in a day or two and should never again need to worry that the offending blood vessel will blow out and bleed out.

My brother was there to hold Yolanda's tiny hand as they waited for news from the doctor. Later, when all was relegated to the realm of the recovery room, Donnie went out for a walk until he would be allowed in to see George in his comatose baldness.

Outside, there was a mother helping her young daughter sell Girl Scout cookies. Donnie of course bought several boxes and as is common for him, struck up a conversation with the venders. Few can resist his good natured friendliness and delightful sense of humor, so soon the mother felt comfortable enough to ask a favor. Would he watch their display while she took her daughter to the restroom?

You bet! He did more than guard the goodies, Donnie hawked cookies and entertained the troops coming and going at the hospital main entrance. Having raised four daughters, he should have known the goodie girls would be gone a while, but after thirty minutes, he was getting a bit worried. By the time they returned, he had peddled most of their wares and left the elated pair to hurry back for the designated ICU visiting time.

Meanwhile, Richard and I are praising God for His goodness, for life and for a fresh and gentle rain shower. We enjoyed a quiet day of home and health.